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From: rwh@aesat.UUCP (Russell Herman)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: pedestalization - an alternative view
Message-ID: <178@aesat.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 4-Jul-84 22:27:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: aesat.178
Posted: Wed Jul  4 22:27:59 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 5-Jul-84 05:14:04 EDT
Organization: AES Data Inc., Mississauga Ont., Canada
Lines: 48

Once upon a time, not that long ago, different ideas were being set forth
around pedestalization. I'd like to stimulate some thought with these,
presenting my own comments at a later time.

Below is an excerpt from "Psychology of Sex Relations" by Theodore Reik,
originally published in 1945 and reprinted by Grove Press as an Evergreen
Black Cat Edition in 1966. Theodore Reik was a student of Freud who remained
within that framework during his career, although certainly not to the
point of orthodoxy. He wrote extensively from the 40's to the early 60's,
and was, in some ways, the Theodore Isaac Rubin of his era. His writings
had a profound influence on me in my university days in the early 60's,
and although he would strike modern readers as being a little too
gender-deterministic, I believe that his writings are interesting to 
anyone capable of suspending disbelief of the Freudian framework.

Love is an escape from oneself, an antidote for the self-dislike and sometimes
even for the self-hate which [people] feel... If they are satisfied with
themselves,they cannot be touched by love.

...What is the cause of dissatisfaction with themselves? These persons feel
unconsciously frustrated and inadequate because they compare what they are
with what they wish to be, what they accomplish with what they desire to
achieve. They find themselves incapable of living up to their expectations
of themselves.

...The occurrence and reoccurrence of this self-critical factor is a
significant trait in ambitious characters who make high demands of
themselves.

...The discord within the self is determined by an unconscous comparison
between our actual ego and the ideal person we would like to be, who is
handsomer, better, cleverer, more courageous, and more efficient than
we. Almost everybody creates in late childhood the image of such a nobler
self. We call it his ego-ideal.

...The ego ideal is our wishful self. A beloved person will take its place
later on; she is its transformation into real life. She is the dream of
a nobler self which became true. What we could not reach in ourselves, she
fulfills in her own person. In her the fantasy becomes flesh. The love-object
has those qualities we sadly lack, achieves where we fail, fulfills the
expectations we had to renounce for ourselves.
-- 
  ______			Russ Herman
 /      \			{allegra,ihnp4,linus,decvax}!utzoo!aesat!rwh
@( ?  ? )@			
 (  ||  )			The opinions above are strictly personal, and 
 ( \__/ )			do not reflect those of my employer (or even
  \____/			possibly myself an hour from now.)