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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!alan
From: alan@allegra.UUCP (Alan S. Driscoll)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: RE:communication and argument
Message-ID: <2583@allegra.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 5-Jul-84 15:42:28 EDT
Article-I.D.: allegra.2583
Posted: Thu Jul  5 15:42:28 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 6-Jul-84 00:44:51 EDT
References: <720@ihuxe.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
Lines: 39

I appreciate the conciliatory tone of Robert's last note.
This whole thing has gotten quite out of hand, and we've
both been to blame.

I think I'm beginning to understand the end Robert had in
mind.  I actually agree with what he's trying to say, for
the most part, although I'm still unhappy with the way he
made his point.

After talking to Robert privately, I have a little more
insight.  He thought I jumped to conclusions about Trish,
so he's been twice as quick to jump to conclusions about
me.  He thought I was personally attacking Trish, so he
attacked me twice as viciously.  He saw this as fighting
fire with fire.  So, the whole thing degenerated into a
mud slinging contest.

Maybe Robert's perception of me was accurate, and maybe
it wasn't.  At any rate, I had no way of knowing what he
was doing.  He said things for effect, and sure enough,
they had the expected effect.  Even if he thought I had
been unfair to Trish, was the solution to be so grossly
unfair to me?  Wasn't there a more honest way to make
the same point?

I don't think I came out of this smelling like a rose.
I admit, Robert's style got to me very quickly, and I
responded with the weakest argument of all -- a series
of personal attacks.  This leaves a similar question to
be answered:  Even if I thought Robert had been unfair
to me, was the solution to go for the jugular?  Wasn't
there a less vicious way to make the same point?  I'm
trying to understand what in myself it was that Robert
touched off, and to work on this.

-- 

	Alan S. Driscoll
	AT&T Bell Laboratories