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From: dave@rlgvax.UUCP (Dave Maxey)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: pedestalization (and more)
Message-ID: <2092@rlgvax.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 10-Jul-84 03:34:01 EDT
Article-I.D.: rlgvax.2092
Posted: Tue Jul 10 03:34:01 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 12-Jul-84 03:45:17 EDT
References: <2082@mit-vax.UUCP> <778@pucc-h>, <791@bbncca.ARPA> <801@pucc-h> <1156@nsc.UUCP>
Organization: CCI Office Systems Group, Reston, VA
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*= Jeff
>= chuq

*Obviously the above is a very jaundiced and fearful view of marriage.  I would
*be interested in the response from married readers of this group.

> As a soon-to-be-officially-ex-married person reading this group, as someone
> who has been on both sides and back again I think you are full of it. You
> have some serious misconceptions and fears about relationships, women, and
> marriage that go beyond the woeful limitations of this newgroup to help. At
> the least I think you should talk to your clergy about some of these fears,
> and possibly look for a counsellor. They are not rational, they are not
> reasonable, and they are seriously holding you back from developing into
> the kind of person your potential shows me you can be. 

1. I like to be nice, I try to be nice, and I try to be patient. But I am also
stubborn and obstinate, and I'm not going to let someone say something totally
against my moral beliefs, without debate. I will, of course, be as diplomatic
as possible. Being perniciously pedantic never served to convince someone to
your cause.

2. Many single people are afraid of marriage. Perhaps one good reason is
because they see so many who have tried and failed. The emotional wreck that
can leave someone in, is all too visable to those around the person. Also, the
simple fact that they've failed once, is good indication that if they get
married again they have a greater chance of failing again. Even if you don't
have sound religious reasons for believing in one mate for life, and I do,
the results of seeing the difference between a marraige that fails and one
that succeeds, should be convincing enough.

3. (And here I'm going to be a little rough, so please prepare yourself. I
think it's best to be honest. It will hurt you more if I don't say it.) As
a soon-to-be-officially-ex-married person, who has been on both sides and
back again, do you really think you are qualified to tell someone who is
single that they have serious misconceptions about relationships, the
opposite sex and marriage?

Jeff,
	As someone who knows you personally and regards you as a friend, If
you wish to seek advice, ask one of the couples at the ministry center who
have a successful marriage (and there are quite a few!). By the way, I've
joined a singles group here that formed from our churches in the area. The
only exposure I've had to marraige so far, though, has been to sing in a
wedding! It may not lead to as much happiness, but it certainly is a safer
way to participate in the ceremony. :-) |-) :-)

			- Dave Maxey (alias tbm)
			{seismo,mcnc,brl-bmd,allegra}!rlgvax!dave