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From: dsaker@iuvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Two New Books
Message-ID: <1900008@iuvax.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 12-Jul-84 13:14:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: iuvax.1900008
Posted: Thu Jul 12 13:14:00 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 13-Jul-84 23:44:55 EDT
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Nf-ID: #R:tekfdi:-1200:iuvax:1900008:000:2418
Nf-From: iuvax!dsaker    Jul 12 12:14:00 1984


[]
>>    I've just finished two books that shed a lot of light on the strange and
unpredictable things that seem to happen between men and women.  The first is
"What Do Women Want" by Luise Eichenbaum & Susie Orbach 
 ...
>>    It points out that most men expect emotional support (from women) as a
matter of course; women, however, rarely receive the same kind of support from
*their* SO. The authors note when a group of women get together, they will
frequently share their emotional lives with each other; by contrast, very few
(straight) men will share their emotions with even their closest male friends.
In adolescence, women focus their energies on relationships, using this time
as intense training for adulthood; their boyfriends, however, are devoting
their energies on creating an autonomous personality and breaking the bonds of
the family.    [LYNN]

I, a man, do expect emotional support from the female(s) I am close to.
While I do share some of my emotions with male friends, the "intimate me"
is shown only to my (female) SO.  To this extent, I match with the book.

However, none of the women I have been close to would agree that 
"when a group of women get together, they will frequently share their 
emotional lives with each other" [quote from above].  Their perception has
always been that men are generally closer to their male friends than women are
to their female friends, although even among men real closeness is rare.
They have all spoken of an undercurrent of competitiveness among women --
a competitiveness that started around puberty, and which seems stronger
than the competitiveness between men.

I wonder what sort of research the authors are basing their statements on.
It sounds as though the statements fit some people, in which case the
discussion in the book seems enlightening, but doesn't fit others, in which
case the discussion in the book seems to be lost in false generalizations.
I have found many books in this genre to be like this.

At the best of times, generalizations can miss the mark for individuals.
Example: a girlfriend of mine was stunned when she encountered the doctrine
that women were "taught" to be under-achievers at school.  She, personally,
had always felt encouraged to achieve.  She had never felt any special
problems about out-scoring boys in the class as opposed to out-scoring girls
in the class.

Daryel Akerlind
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