Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site pucc-h
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!mgnetp!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!CS-Mordred!Pucc-H:aeq
From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: sense (as in 'common')
Message-ID: <841@pucc-h>
Date: Mon, 30-Jul-84 00:18:50 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.841
Posted: Mon Jul 30 00:18:50 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 18-Jul-84 02:01:23 EDT
References: <2646@ncsu.UUCP>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 48

From Dave Hesselberth (are you the same D.H. who used to go to Purdue?)

> From: rdr@ncsu.UUCP (driud)
			 ^^
Alas, it's hard for me to resist correcting someone's typing....

>	 jeff, i find that i must agree with everyone who has said that
> trying too hard, can be self-defeating.  the best way that i have seen
> of finding an 'SO', is to simply meet MOTOS with the intention of being
> *friends*.  don't go looking for a relationship as such, because it will
> show and maybe put others off.  look for friends and give others a chance
> to get to know you first.	then you'll have friends as well as possible
> girl-friends.

I know, I know!  I've been trying to be more laid-back and to force down my
reluctant throat the fact that even young women who seem perfect ("undamaged"
is the word I like) may also have their problems, so the fact that I still am
not perfect is not going to automatically condemn me to rejection.  (Not that
I have the slightest intention of letting my remaining insufficiencies and
imperfections remain; but I'm gradually getting less uptight about them.)

Anyway...I am also well aware that I need to get to know young women as
friends.  I would like to do so, because they do make good friends.  The snag
is that my emotions have an annoying tendency to betray me by becoming a bit
too interested in a woman too soon; e.g. I find myself interested in a woman
I just met briefly at church and about whom I know almost nothing except her
name...and the fact that somehow, in our moment of meeting, I got the
impression (vibes, if you will) that she is a woman of good and strong
character who would be very good for me.  Despite the fact that I am all
too aware from painful experiences in the past that wanting a woman one has
just met almost guarantees agony, my emotions still responded to her.  This of
course makes getting to know her just as a friend (which I would no doubt want
to do anyway) more awkward; and it also makes getting to know other nice women
as friends more awkward.  It would be much easier getting to know all these
women if I were unattached emotionally as well as in fact.

The only thing to do, of course, is to get to know the particular young woman
in question; but how do I approach her without looking like an adolescent?
It seems that the only thing I can do is to be as clumsily honest as I am in
this group and tell her that she did make a significant impression and that I
want, or even need, to get to know her (if for no other reason than to end the
suspense, though I probably shouldn't say that to her).  Any other ideas?


-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
{allegra|decvax|harpo|ihnp4|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
"...got to find my corner of the sky."