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From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: sense (as in 'common')
Message-ID: <855@pucc-h>
Date: Thu, 19-Jul-84 05:21:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.855
Posted: Thu Jul 19 05:21:15 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 20-Jul-84 04:25:23 EDT
References: <2646@ncsu.UUCP>, <841@pucc-h>, <2613@allegra.UUCP>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 44

Reply to Alan S. Driscoll:

Alan:  Thanks for the article.	You happened to strike a familiar note, since
I also have some musical talent, and I do enjoy improvising.  (The kicker is
that I'm also unable to really lighten up in my music and not be a
perfectionist.	Thus I get really distressed, for instance, about the fact
that a guy I know who is a bit younger than I is a much better guitar player
than I.  Of course I bought my first [and so far only] guitar in 1981, and he
has been playing guitar since the late 60's; but that doesn't keep me from
getting bent out of shape comparing myself unfavorably with him.)

I agree with the idea that the best moments are spontaneous.  While I haven't
had any romantic involvements (yet?) beginning in such a way, I have had some
interesting interactions which began on impulse.  Yet, for someone who has
been deprived of romantic involvement for so long, it is hard to be casual and
lighten up.  I see myself almost as badly as Trish sees men:  insensitive and
often somewhat of an asshole -- but perhaps a little too un-macho.  I get very
discouraged, because it seems that it will take a long time for me to change
into someone whom women will find desirable and exciting.  I'm still surprised
when nice people so much as like me.

It seems that I'm going to, initially at least, have to force myself to be a
genuinely caring, sensitive person to all that I meet.	With favorable winds,
this would eventually result in a change in my habits, and perhaps a change in
my feelings and motivations.  (There's an old story about a person being
forced to wear, for years, a mask that made him look much nicer than he really
did; when he finally removed the mask, his own face had grown to fit it, and
his real face was now handsome.)  Alas, this is not entirely from altruistic
motives, obviously -- it's partly, indeed largely, so I can convince some
desirable woman (not to mention myself) that I'm desirable.

Basically, it all boils down to:  How can I lighten up when the battle isn't
won yet?  Only rarely am I a sufficiently -- shall we say, warm -- person to
be loving, sensitive, spontaneous.  In order to be spontaneous, I'll have to
force myself [1/2 :-)].  As I see it, a man has to manifest Christlike
qualities to a fairly high degree, *consistently*, if he hopes to attract
and hold a really fine woman.  Being Christlike 5% of the time and an S.O.B.
95% doesn't cut it.


-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
{allegra|decvax|harpo|ihnp4|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
"...got to find my corner of the sky."