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From: lynno@tekfdi.UUCP (Lynn Olson )
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Open Letter to Jeff
Message-ID: <38@tekfdi.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 25-Jul-84 17:56:24 EDT
Article-I.D.: tekfdi.38
Posted: Wed Jul 25 17:56:24 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 27-Jul-84 06:26:55 EDT
Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR
Lines: 53

< ~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ >

    Thanks for your recent articles, Jeff. Maybe we can give the *ssh*le wars
a well-deserved armistice for a little while. I had some thoughts while
reading your articles ... does your flavor of Christianity have any equivalent
to non-directive meditation? In essence, some way of going inward and quieting
the stream of consciousness for a time, allowing the "still, small voice" a
chance to be heard? It's very difficult to be aware of inner qualities if the
ego is always thinking aloud or nagging you to do this or that. Sometimes,
what's needed is to do *nothing*.

    I bring this up because I personally found it very helpful when almost all
of my personal relationships became screwed up at the same time. It really was
atrociously painful; after a while, though, I made a decision not to be
disabled by the pain, and find what was inside of me (not the other people)
that was causing the confusion and hurt. After several intensive periods of
meditation, things clarified and the fog started to lift. I began to see the
collection of old fears and hurts, mostly from childhood and adolescence, that
were stinging me. And they really didn't have that much to with what the other
people had "done" to me; the worst I could say was that I had been hit in my
weak spots, possibly with malice aforethought.  But the pain was mine.

    What surprises me is that I now feel that negative and positive fantasies
are essentially a form of self-abuse; gratifying for the ego, perhaps, since
it reinforces the "look at poor/wonderful me!" way of thinking, with thoughts
that constantly revolve around the self. To be blunt, it's pretty selfish way
of living, and my friends had gotten sick of it. There's an awful lot going on
beside fantasies, and it's a useful skill to develop the interior stillness
(or "centering") to be aware of what's actually happening around you. Oddly
enough, I now feel only subtly changed, but the "outside world" seems to be
behaving considerably differently, in a way that's hard to describe.

    What I gained from the meditation was the simple skill of doing one thing
at a time; when I walk, I walk. When I drive, I drive. And so on. I still let
my mind drift off and do several things at once, but now I'm more aware of it,
and can get back to what I'm doing a lot faster. Since the negative and
positive fantasies have less territory, they shrink and lose their coercive
power to direct the mind. There is a subtle sense of power that arises when
you aren't being chased by your demons all the time.

    Jeff, I don't know if this communicates any meaning to you, but I sense
from your writing that you could use a relief from your own personal demons.
You don't have to be the host to an obsolete defence mechanism. There are ways
to get rid of these things, but the hard part is slowing down so you see them
for what they are. I wish you luck.

					Lynn Olson, uucp path is:
					tektronix!tekfdi!lynno