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From: ariels@mako.UUCP (Ariel Shattan)
Newsgroups: net.social
Subject: Re: Wedding party:what would you have done?
Message-ID: <216@mako.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 18-Jul-84 11:46:48 EDT
Article-I.D.: mako.216
Posted: Wed Jul 18 11:46:48 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 22-Jul-84 02:51:01 EDT
References: <795@phoenix.UUCP>
Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR
Lines: 54


>I have a question that I would like opinions on.
>What if you were supposed to be in a freidn's wedding party and you ended
>up wearing a cast wich would have to be on during the wedding, and you already
>put a deposit down on the outfit you were to wear ...would you
>expect your freind to drop you from the party because you were going
>to "ruin the photographs" of this "once in a lifetime" affair?

If she did dropp me, I'd seriously alter my opinion of her and of
the friendship.  Such an act shows more concern with externals and
trappings than with feelings and friendship.  I could understand why
she'd do such a thing, but the friendship would never be as close as
it was/might have been.

>If dropped, would you expect a refund on your deposit from the friend?

I would hope that she'd refund the deposit, after all, you were
going out of your way to spend money for an "honor" she is suddenly
denying you.  If she is not willing to give you at least SOME of the
deposit (money is always tight around wedding time), then the
opinion of the friendship would have to be even further revised.

>Would you still go to the wedding as a guest? (what if they had been in
>YOUR wedding party prior to this incident?).

I'd go to the wedding if a bunch of my other friends were there, and
I knew that I'd have a good time with them.  It is, after all, a
free party, and at least you should get THAT from your deposit.  You
don't have to give a gift, you know (if she gets mad at you because
of this, after all she's done to you, tough noogies).

>Now, for alittle switch in the question.
>What if the party was wearing a certain style shoe and you informed your 
>friend that you couldnt wear that style (about 5 months notice),
>and said you would have to drop out if you had to wear that style. If your
>friend said NOTHING about your warning, then 5 weeks before the wedding said
>you HAD to get a similar style (and you looked but couldnt find any that 
>style to fit your Hard-to-Fit feet) would you expect your friend to
>drop you from the party? (assuming you could get a shoe
>in the same COLOR, and a nice one at that?).

Call that a friend?!  If it were me, I'd chalk the deposit up to
"learning experience," and leave the girl (nobody who acts like this
is mature enough to be called "woman," even if she's 50 years old!)
to stew in her own juice.  Sounds to me like she's getting so caught
up in details that she's losing friends.  Let's hope for her sake
that she realizes what she's done (even if it's after the wedding),
and starts to work on rebuilding the relationships she's damaged.
Can you imagine what this kind of inflexibility is doing to her
family? her groom? her in-laws???

Ariel (common sense is an oxymoron) Shattan
..!tektronix!mako!ariels