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From: bobr@zeus.UUCP (Robert Reed)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: The Royal Portland Mounted Police
Message-ID: <345@zeus.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 13-Aug-84 02:08:41 EDT
Article-I.D.: zeus.345
Posted: Mon Aug 13 02:08:41 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 25-Aug-84 02:57:20 EDT
Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR
Lines: 29

[excerpted from Burgess Sez: by Michael Burgess, in T_h_i_s__W_e_e_k_]

First off, I want to tell you how much I love the mounted police.  Like any
American male raised on John Wayne movies, the sight of a cavalry unit,
regardless how small, still siffens my spine and thrills me to what's left
of my core.  I am, after all, just a country boy at heart and wildly in
favor of large animals mingling with citizens whenever possible.  True, I've
never liked horses and would much prefer kangaroos, but that's beside the
point, which is that I love the mounted police.  It's only when someone who
should know better, someone like [Portland] Police Chief Ron Still, refers
to them as an effective deterrent to street crime that I slip into
hysterics.  From what I've seen, the horse patrol is to look at.  It is
easily the best public relations program the department has.  It brings joy
to children and style to the city, but it should never be confused with law
enforcement unless we count collaring winos against dumpsters and boring
prostitutes to tears with overlong Clint Eastwood impressions.  Street crime
is, for the most part, a fast-moving affair performed on bricks and
concrete, and horses are marvelously ill-suited to it.  Owing largely to
their feet, it is unbelievably hard for a horse to slip up on clandestine
activity.  Their performance is, if anything, worse when it comes to running
down felons in sneakers.  If horses run very fast on pavement and brick, they
fall down.  They are not stupid and they know this, as do the officers posed
on their backs.  Given the odds, they would be fools to lust for the chase.
No, for bringing decorum to the streets, nothing better has been found than
the cop walking a beat.  The more horses the better but seeing them as
evidence that Chief Still is serious about reforming a rapidly decaying
street scene is a real chuckle.
-- 
Robert Reed, Tektronix Logic Design Systems Division, tektronix!teklds!bobr