Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 beta 3/9/83; site scorplx.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!amd!decwrl!decvax!scorplx!craig From: craig@scorplx.UUCP (Craig Miller) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: ~funny ad... (long) Message-ID: <142@scorplx.UUCP> Date: Thu, 23-Aug-84 16:35:47 EDT Article-I.D.: scorplx.142 Posted: Thu Aug 23 16:35:47 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 1-Sep-84 12:49:24 EDT Organization: Honeywell Info. Systems, Billerica, MA Lines: 129 #! /bin/line_eater This has probably been posted before my time. If so, sorry. But I thought a few people might find it amusing... I have inserted stars (*) around the lines containing bold or large characters, with more stars being bolder or larger. There is supposed to be one picture (marked as ****picture****) in it, but for obvious reasons, I describe it instead of including it... It is typed in 2 columns, so it is easier to read if you can go back to the top of the article while reading. Extracting it into a file might be the easiest way... Disclaimer: This has been copied without permission from an unknown magazine (actually it has been copied from a copy, the owner of which forgot which magazine he got it from). This was not created by me, so please hold down the flames. Thanks. Enjoy... (if possible) (snip,snip,snip) =========================================================================== *** Do you have a restless urge to program? *** ----------------------------------- ------------------------------- | ------------------------------- | Do you want the instant respect || ****picture**** || that comes from being able to || (this spot contains a picture || use technical terms that nobody || of some guys sitting in a || understands? || convertible all wearing || || baseball caps with floppy || Do you want to strike fear and || antlers, some smoking cigars || loathing into the hearts of DP || and some looking at print- || managers everywhere? || outs...) || || || If so, then let the Famous Pro- || || grammers' School lead you on... || || into the world of professional || || computer programming. || || ------------------------------- | ------------------------------- | ----------------------------------- ** What Do Top Programmers Earn? ** The staff of the Famous Programmers' School includes some of the best Despite popular myths, some pro- known names in the microcomputing grammers actually do earn a living field. From left to right: Bennett doing the work they love. Other, Lisp (with cigar), Rod Snobol (with less fortunate programmers work in feelers), Bruce Fortran (eating their spare time at home while cigar), Rudolf Forth (natty attire), watching television. Either way, Ignatious "Call Me Blaise" Pascal your potential earnings as a com- (feelers, cigar and flowchart), and puter programmer could reach into the immortal Red Basic (smug look). the millions, possibly even into the billions of dollars. Of course, your success depends a lot of your abilities, luck, shoe size, the phase of the moon, etc. ** Is Programming for You? ** Programming is not for everyone. five lessons I sold a 'My Most But if you have the desire to learn, Unforgettable Program' article to we can help you get started. All Corrosive Computing magazine. you need is the Famous Programmers' Course and enough money to keep Another of our graduates writes, those lessons coming month after "I recently completed a database- month. management program for my department manager. My program touched him so deeply that he was speechless. He ** Take Our Free Aptitude Test ** told me later that he had never seen such a program in his entire career. To help determine if you are qual- Thank you, Famous Programmers' school; ified to be a programmer, take a only you could have made this poss- moment to try this simple test: ble. 1) Write down the numbers from zero to nine and the first six let- ters of the alphabet (Hint: 0123456 789ABCDEF). ** Don't Delay ** 2) Whose picture is on the back of a twenty-dollar bill? Send for our introductory brochure 3) What is the state capital of explains in vague detail the oper- Idaho? ation of the Famous Programmers' If you managed to read all three School, and you'll be eligible to questions without wondering why we win a possible chance to enter a asked them, you may have a future drawing, the winner of which can vie as a computer programmer. for a set of free steak knives. If you don't do it now, you'll hate yourself in the morning. ** A new kind of Programming ** They say a good programmer can write 20 lines of effective program per day. ** Famous Programmers' School ** With our unique training course, we'll ** Dept. APRFOL ** show you how to write 20 lines of code ** P.O. Box 463 ** and lots more besides. Our training ** Paulsborough, NH ** course covers every programming lan- ** 03458-0463 ** guage in existence, and some that aren't. You'll learn why the on/off switch for a computer is so important, ------------------------------------- what the words *fatal error* mean, and | Yes, I want the brochure describing who and what you should blame when you | this incredible offer. I enclose make a mistake. | $1000 is small unmarked bills to | cover the cost of postage and han- | dling. (No live poultry, please) ** Student Successes ** | Send the information to: | Many of our students have gone on to | Name: achieve great success in all fields of | --------------------------- programming. One former student de- | Address: veloped the concept of the personal- | ------------------------ ized form letter. Does the phrase, | City, State: Zip: "Dear Mr.(insert name), You may al- | ----------- ----- ready be a winner!," sound familiar? | Another student writes "After only | *** Our Slogan: Top down programming for the masses. *** -- Craig Miller {decvax,harvard}!scorplx!craig Honeywell Info. Systems, Billerica, Mass.