Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 beta 3/9/83; site qantel.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!decwrl!amd!dual!qantel!israel From: israel@qantel.UUCP ( Renegade) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: True Grit Mysteries II - Part 3 Message-ID: <203@qantel.UUCP> Date: Tue, 4-Sep-84 12:17:27 EDT Article-I.D.: qantel.203 Posted: Tue Sep 4 12:17:27 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 13-Sep-84 06:29:15 EDT Organization: MDS Qantel, Hayward CA. Lines: 120 < Sign up now for the Roger Guts Fan Club, and punch a preppie today! > TALES OF ROGER GUTS, P.I. "Ok, Mr. Guts, you're all set." Specky was in his element. I gotta hand it to the little twerp, he sure knew his bits from his bytes. "This program will automatically moniter all processes trying to gain access to the accounting files. When such a process is detected, it will record a complete transcript of all the commands being issued at the terminal from which the process was initiated, which will then be output to this printer right here. Then we'll just run in and apprehend the foul villian!" It couldn't be this easy. "Let me get this straight - as soon as this guy tries to break into the files, the printer will tell us who it is, and copy down everything he types as evidence?" "Affirmative." I grabbed the little creep - "Ya know something, Schroeder? It's crummy little whiz-kids like you that are taking all the fun out of fighting the bad guys!" "Guts! Drop that twerp!" It was Andrews. I hadn't seen him look so mad since the time he ran out of matchsticks while attempting to convert a VC POW to catholisism. I backed off. "Aw, c'mon Chuck. I was just givin' him the old boot camp routine." "What are tryin' to do, scare him off? It's tough enough getting..." The printer hummed to life. The transcript started coming through: % vi budget.office Specky sprang to life. "That's it, Sir. Someone is accessing the office supply account." "Can you tell who it is yet?" "No, he's using the supervisor's password again. But can I find out which terminal he's typing it from." He started banging on the keys. Meanwhile, the transcript continued: % acctproc < budget.office Andrews looked upset. "Hurry it up, Specky, he's trying to process the alterations. If he pulls it off, we won't be able to track down where he sent the money." "Got it, Sir! He's on the second floor of Evans hall, last terminal on the right. Come on, Mr. Guts, let's get the dirty guy!" Dirty guy? This kid eat Quaker Oats for breakfast or something? Oh well, at least we were getting around to my kind of action. We sprinted up a steep hill to a large concrete building, dashed inside, up two flights of stairs, and out into a hallway. Specky produced a walkie-talkie. "This is number-cruncher to CPU - over!" Andrews came through from the other end. "This is CPU - go ahead." "Is target process still executing? - over" "Roger, number-cruncher, terminate process with extreme control-Z, over and out!" He turned to me. "It'll be the terminal just in the back corner as we walk thru. I'll just peak inside and see if I can recognize him." He slipped inside the door, then out again. He looked pale. "It's Joe Kaljoy, the campus gun-nut. Maybe you better take charge..." Just as I thought. Give'em a taste of a fire-fight, and the `New Army' wants its mother. "Step aside, waterboy, and I'll show you the way we did it in the dead pets division!" I whirled around, dived inside, and pumped a few .45's in the general vicinity of the back corner. My intended target, it seems, had already ducked behind a barrel full of discarded printouts, and produced an adorable German Lugar, which he did not hesitate to use. I found myself pinned by his returned volley behind a massive piece of metal which was labeled "IBM". As Kaljoy drilled it full of holes, I distinctly thought I heard Schroeder mumble "no loss". Kaljoy managed to manuever himself near a back door, and was gone before I could reload. As I followed him down the stairs and out the door, I saw him running for the parking lot. Some jerk riding a 3-wheeled motorscooter was driving by me, so I leaped inside it, chucked him out, and floored the sucker. By this time, Kaljoy was driving out in some beat-up Volkswagon beetle, heading up toward the Berkeley hills. I followed him to an intersection where he turned-up on Euclid, and gunned his engine. I pulled in right behind, gun blazing, believing that I'd nail him when we came to a straight piece of roadway. What I didn't know at the time was that Euclid didn't have a straight piece of roadway. It was one hairpin turn after another. What was worse, was trying to avoid all the damn cats that hang out in the streets in this town. Ultimately, we turned onto another street labeled Wildcat Canyon Road. Hey, now this sounded like my kind of avenue. I pushed down the accelerator as far as it would go, and started spraying his bug with bullets. Then I noticed the landslide up ahead. I jammed on the brakes, skidded around, and came to a screeching halt in front of the missing pavement. Kaljoy wasn't that lucky. By the time I crawled out of the scooter, his car was already a blazing hunk of metal at the bottom of a deep gorge. The ultimate interrupt, as Specky would say. When I got back to the computer room, Specky and Chuck and a couple of cops were going over a readout on the terminal. "Did you find out what he did with the money?" "Not yet, Guts. He encrypted all his files, but Specky says he can decode them. He's just about to get a readout." The terminal beeped. The screen started gushing out characters: Final Transfer of Funds for PROJECT DISCUM will be transferred from the office supply fund and added to the swiss account. To- tal allocation will be executed as follows - 2 Armored Personnel Carriers with 50 mm Machine Gums. 1 Tiger Tank with 100 shells. 3 Jeeps. 30 M1 rifles with 200 rounds each. 1 Standard Army Bell & Howell Helecopter Project will commence on schedule at designated coordinates at 24:00 hours on the 10th. Bids have been fixed and are assured of successful transaction. Inside man to be terminated as planned. ASG. "ASG?" sparked Specky. "All systems go. All systems go, Guts. I don't know what it is, but it sure sounds big. We've uncovered the tip of an iceberg." "Iceberg, hell, Chuck. We're talking volcano here." I wished my friend Siggy were here. TO BE CONTINUED... -- Renegade of Berkeley MDS Qantel ucbvax!dual!qantel!israel Disclaimer: "Who me? I wasn't even there!"