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From: ka@hou3c.UUCP (Kenneth Almquist)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: strong parents
Message-ID: <776@hou3c.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 23-Aug-84 23:01:58 EDT
Article-I.D.: hou3c.776
Posted: Thu Aug 23 23:01:58 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 25-Aug-84 05:46:37 EDT
References: <1079@eosp1.UUCP>
Organization: Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ
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	It is often very hard for some parents to ever
	consider smacking [their] child in front of the youngster's 
	friends, but once done it's a lot harder for young man/women
	to ever tell the parent to shut-up in front of the friends
	who thought it cool.

This is one way to deal with the situation, but it is not the only
one.  Presumably your youngster (or his friends) want to watch you
become flustered when your authority is challenged.  If you don't
make a big deal over it, your child will have no reason to repeat
the experiment.  If, for example, you have asked your child to do
something and he tells you to shut up, you can repeat the request
in a tone of voice that indicates that you are serious.  If the
child still refuses, well, you can then smack him for refusing to
obey, *not* for having the temerity to experiment with saying
"shut up".

What prompted me to write this response were the references to
"strong" parents.  There are parents who are probably best off
hitting the child in the situation described.  Those are the
parents whose egos are threatenned by being told to shut up, and
who are therefore in danger of being manipulated by their children.
Such parents are not strong; they have to substitute force for
strength of personality.

I strongly agree that "being a strong,interested,and loving parent"
is a good thing, if by "strong" you mean "emotionally mature".  I
do not recomend following any theorys of child raising unless you
have considered them carefully and decided that they are compatible
with your personality.  In particular, I do not recomend trying to
be "strong".  Strength, interest, and love cannot be faked.
				Kenneth Almquist