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From: elt@astrovax.UUCP (Ed Turner)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Is It Nice?
Message-ID: <422@astrovax.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 24-Aug-84 10:37:17 EDT
Article-I.D.: astrovax.422
Posted: Fri Aug 24 10:37:17 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 25-Aug-84 07:16:49 EDT
References: <325@dsd.UUCP>
Organization: Princeton Univ. Astrophysics
Lines: 46

The question is how to decide whether or not to have kids if one is not sure
it will be "nice" or if one member of a couple is unsure or negative.

I can offer a personal experience and my interpretation of it.  Before my
wife and I had any children, I was quite ambivalent about the idea, not
opposed to it but not excited by it either.  The actual experience of being a
parent from the very beginning (6 years ago) has turned out to be one of the
most emotionally profound, rich, and rewarding aspects of my life.  Even the
most routine and ordinary aspects of it seem important, interesting, and fun.
I know quite a few others who have had a similar experience.  The only
comparison I can make that seems to touch the intensity of the experience is
with "discovering" the opposite sex as a teenager (of course it is completely
unlike that experience but about equally moving).  I think someone who never
has children is missing about as large a part of life as someone who never
finds a mate.

I believe I may understand why having children is so rewarding; this is my
theory.  People often wonder what the purpose of life is.  Some choose a
(seemingly arbitrary) meaning such as "making the most of myself I can",
"living the kind of life God wants for me", "enjoying myself as much as
possible", or "collecting as much aluminum foil as I can get my hands on".
In fact, an unbiased outside observer would probably conclude that the main
goal of life is reproduction; in some sense it is the only *imposed*
*constraint* on existing forms of life.  Thus we have been equipped by natural
selection with a deeply seated set of drives, instincts, and genetically
programmed responses designed to further human reproduction.  These definitely
include child rearing I believe.  Babies can activate these instinctive
responses and make what might objectively seem like unrewarding drudgery into
a major life experience.

Of course, not everyone likes having children (for reasons I find difficult
to fathom).  How can you decide if these parenting instincts will be strong
enough for you?  I don't really know, but it seems like one could get a clue
from the answers to these questions.  Do you have (or have you had) pets and
do (did) you enjoy taking care of them?  Do you like other people's children?
Think they're cute and fun to be around?  If you have nieces and/or nephews,
do you dote on them?  Try doing some things with children like babysitting for
friends or getting involved with some sort of childrens' group or activity.
Do you enjoy it?

Enough!

Good luck,

Ed Turner
astrovax!elt