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From: mark@gymble.UUCP (Mark Weiser)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: NBC Silent Shame Sexual Child Abuse
Message-ID: <51@gymble.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 29-Aug-84 22:13:17 EDT
Article-I.D.: gymble.51
Posted: Wed Aug 29 22:13:17 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 6-Sep-84 02:41:02 EDT
References: <142@aluxp.UUCP>
Distribution: na
Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD
Lines: 32

The approach we have taken for the prevention of child abuse with our
children is NOT to talk to them about inappropriate touching, etc.,
but rather to talk to them about telling us anything that goes on,
especially if someone tells them NOT to tell us.

All that I have ever read about child abuse said that it was accompanied
by instructions "not to tell".  So,
we have talked to them (well, actually, only the 6 year old
so far, not the 2 year old) about how anyone, even someone very
close and dear to them, might ask them to keep a secret from
us or from everyone.  We say: they can always come to us with
such secrets, that it is a dangerous thing when someone tells
them something like this and they should tell us right away, etc.
This seems to work well--at least, we seem to get pretty informed
about all the little secret sharing of the day that my daughter
does with her friends, and I am confident that my daughter will
have no trouble agreeing with someone to keep a secret if she feels
threatened, but then telling us anyway when the immediate threat
is past.

My wife and I thought about this quite a bit and decided that talking to
my daughter about inappropriate touching would simply backfire.
She would simply be made aware that there was something bad that
could happen, and might be that much more afraid to talk about
anything that might go on because she would not want her parents
to know that she had done something bad.  Also, someone very young
may not be able to do anything about the touching anyway, so why
give her something else to worry about.  And, as prieto said,
there is the problem of alerting her not just to strangers but
to everyone, which I think my method covers.