Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 exptools 1/6/84; site ihuxl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihuxl!walt2 From: walt2@ihuxl.UUCP (Walt Kurszewski) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Walt's free counseling service Message-ID: <1306@ihuxl.UUCP> Date: Mon, 27-Aug-84 13:56:07 EDT Article-I.D.: ihuxl.1306 Posted: Mon Aug 27 13:56:07 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 28-Aug-84 00:53:13 EDT Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL Lines: 77 > Jeff Sargent >Following up my own article with some more thoughts.... >I suspect that many a (seemingly?) insensitive man may have a dream that some >"perfect" woman is going to graciously, with incredible humility, take him as >SO and thereby, shall we say, forgive him his sins and redeem him; that by >submitting her (imagined) purity and perfection to the possible depredations >of his impurity and imperfection, she would somehow relieve him of the gnawing >pain that comes from knowing that no matter how much one grows as a person, >one is never perfect; one always has sins. In other words, men are looking >for a woman to play the role of Christ in a visible, palpable manner. Jeff, stop trying to hide behind this third person bullshit. You don't know how "many" men feel, you're really expressing your thoughts here. No woman on earth is God. It's wrong for you to expect to find her. The day you are perfect in every way is the day you can begin expecting perfection from others. If you'd stop thinking of what qualities you demand in a SO and start striving for the qualities that a woman would "demand" in a SO then you might attract a mate. >It is >probably for this reason that a man takes it as such a special honor to be >the first man to have sex with a particular woman -- that she cares so much >for him that she sacrifices even her virginity for him -- a blood sacrifice, >yet! Perhaps somehow the verse, "Without shedding of blood there is no >remission [of sins]" is floating around in their subconsciousnesses. Now you think you're god (blood sacrifice). Special honor? Remission of sins? I can't comprehend this. >A darker possibility here is that a man may, at bottom, really have it in for >women -- really, actually, hate them, or at least bear a grudge against that >side of the human species. Thus, if his feelings of attraction to women, or >to a particular woman, are carefully analyzed, he may actually be considering >her to be pure and perfect with an eye to how good it would feel (emotionally >as well as physically) to defile all that sweet purity. Note that this >entails, again, his considering himself as wondrously impure, so that he can >be the defiling agent -- unless, of course, he can even gain pleasure from >the thought of a woman being defiled by someone other than himself, say by >rape, or by (if homosexuality disagrees with him, as it does with me) >lesbianism. This part scares me Jeff. Why would you hate all women? Why would you want to "defile" what you see as "sweet purity"? Why do you consider yourself "wondrously impure"? Why do you fantasize about women being raped by other men or performing lesbian acts? Is this Christian? >I have been criticized by one or two of my Christian brothers because I >sometimes do purchase Playboy. But it is astonishing what you find out when >you "show God your dirty pictures", as one pastor friend of mine put it -- >i.e. be appallingly honest about your sexual fantasies; Playboy can thus >sometimes serve as a focusing device. Contrary to popular belief, you won't go blind. Because you're human you have sexual drives. I think what your pastor friend is trying to tell you is that no matter how much you try to be Christ-like you'll always slip and fall. I think this is how god reminds you that your human and always will be. >Anyway, returning to the theme of my earlier paragraphs, what would seem to be >necessary for marriage or SO-ship is that a man become sufficiently accepting >of his own and everyone else's sins/imperfections that he can be intimate with >a woman who is just as sinful/imperfect as he is, and love her nevertheless. Congratulations, you've answered your own questions. >My only question is: how on earth can anyone pull this off? If you truly believe in god's will then just relax and let it happen. God will guide you to your SO when the time is right. Until then the best you can do is relax and rejoice in the lord. The lord will bring you your true happiness.