Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site vax135.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!vax135!miles
From: miles@vax135.UUCP (Miles Murdocca)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Losing MOTOS Friends to Marriage
Message-ID: <823@vax135.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 29-Aug-84 11:53:54 EDT
Article-I.D.: vax135.823
Posted: Wed Aug 29 11:53:54 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 30-Aug-84 01:41:21 EDT
References: <811@abnjh.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ
Lines: 47

>Since I turned 23 I have experienced an unusual phenomenon.
>
>Did you ever notice that when you have a MOTOS friend that gets married they
>decrease their contacts (phone, letters) with you, and by so doing they
>discourage you from keeping in contact?  I find this particularly discomforting
>since over the years the majority of my close friends are women.  Now this
>can be attributable to either:
>
>1) - Jealous/Insecure spouse.
>2) - MOTOS friend getting totally immersed in the marriage to the exclusion
>     of even those old reliable friends.
>
>Now not ALL my married friends get this way, but it does seem to be the norm.
>For those of you who are, or have been married, do you see other reasons than
>the 2 above that explain this behavior?  Have you done this yourself?
>Please post reponses to this newsgroup.  Thanks.
>
>
>                                        Jim Collymore
>
>p.s.  I realize this behavior also occurs in dating relationships, but since
>      relationships come and go, this loss of the friend is more of a variable
>      thing.  When it occurs due to a marriage it seems to be more permanent.

That point really hits home with me, because I see myself on the other
side of the fence.  I am not married, but I'm engaged and haven't written
to anyone since last December even though I have received letters from
a number of friends.  My fiance' (sp?) is not jealous or insecure.  Your
second point (immersed in the marriage/relationship etc.) explains it
better.  I'm not "totally immersed" in our relationship to the
exclusion of all else, but it gives me things to do in my spare time
as well as someone to do them with.  When I was un-attached, I wrote
letters at night when I was home alone.  Now, I often cook for two and
watch TV with my fiance', which leaves any spare time I have left for other
things that I like to do like reading, hobbies, etc.  I guess it really
depends on what people value most.  As an interesting note - when people
become married, the people they socialize with tend to be married as well
(or so married people tell me).  The single friends get displaced ala the
pigeon hole theory (when something goes in the front, something falls out
of the back). By the way - I'm 23 too.

				- Miles Murdocca


Aside to Jim:  As a newcomer to this group, it would be helpful to me
if you explained the meaning of "MOTOS".  I assume the "S" stands for
"Single."  Thanks.