Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!mgnetp!ihnp4!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!hplabs!intelca!qantel!dual!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-tonto!alanurm From: alanurm@tonto.DEC (If you could see me now.....) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Just gotta jump in.... Message-ID: <3532@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 6-Sep-84 11:12:52 EDT Article-I.D.: decwrl.3532 Posted: Thu Sep 6 11:12:52 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 12-Sep-84 03:17:36 EDT Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 74 From: ALANURM "If you could see me now....." 6-SEP-1984 09:56 To: ALANURM Newsgroups: net.singles Path: decwrl!amd!nsc!chuqui Subject: Re: replies to the downpour Posted: Tue Sep 4 11:11:56 1984 >Summary: Growth is occurring; I could use some good female assistance; but >I'm not sure where to find it. (Jeff S.) *When the time is right it will occur. Until then worrying about it only *gets you ulcers. Relax. (Chuqi) I'm probably going to get a lot of flames for this one but....... Jeff; I have been following your articles for some time and with great interest. I have to assume that you are sincere. So, from my past experience I'm going to try and offer some constructive comments. 1. You are worrying TOO much about yourself and YOUR reactions to a possible relationship with a female that will fit your needs. In this kind of a situation, your self-interest will probably turn the person off. They will most likely feel there is no room for them in your approach to the relationship. It's kind of like the Catch- 22 in which the husband works all the time to make money to buy his wife everything and loses her because he doesn't spend enough time with her. You work too hard at perfecting yourself and find that the person you are interested in has gone away because of lack of emotional nourishment and support. 2. You are putting a lot of conditions and requirements on the kind of relationship you say you want. ANY perceptive person could pick this up right away and would avoid getting involved for fear of not living up to your expectations. 3. We use past experience to shape future expectations. The truth is, however, we are all living in the present, almost, (-refer to Jack Cassidy's statement about this in "Electric Acid Koolaid Test" by Tom Wolfe) and should adjust ourselves to use present experience as a guide to the future. What this means to you is that each person is a highly complex individual who is constantly changing minute by hour by day by week, etc. and the only way to deal with this is to do the same. This includes getting to know other people and judging them by THEIR standards, NOT yours. This does NOT mean that you should get rid of your standards, it just means to understand the other point of view. If you can understand and accept that other point of view, not necessarily agreeing with it but understanding it, you may be very pleasantly surprised. 4. You have a tremendous advantage over many of us. You have (so it seems), a strongly held religious belief. This can really be sorely needed support when you become discouraged. Have you ever wondered how those of us without strong religion manage to function? Well, speaking strictly for myself, I feel that there is a purpose and direction to my life that it is up to me to discover. While on the road (so to speak) to that discovery, I feel that I should be as good a person as I can. This is something that can only be developed from within myself using outside influences only for feedback. In many ways it is like being a Christian except that I haven't given over direction of my life to Christ. 5. Many people have given you the advice to stop worrying. What I think they are saying is STOP thinking negatively and start thinking more constructively. USE each experience and relationship as a guide to being better able to handle the next and accept that there will be a next sooner or later. Len Alanurm DEC - N.H. CSS - NSG ...decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-tonto!alanurm