Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site decwrl.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!mgnetp!ihnp4!houxm!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!tektronix!hplabs!intelca!qantel!dual!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-kirk!williams From: williams@kirk.DEC (John Williams 223-3402) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: slipping into something more comfortable Message-ID: <3533@decwrl.UUCP> Date: Thu, 6-Sep-84 12:01:26 EDT Article-I.D.: decwrl.3533 Posted: Thu Sep 6 12:01:26 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 12-Sep-84 03:17:54 EDT Sender: daemon@decwrl.UUCP Organization: DEC Engineering Network Lines: 90 > I will respond to just a few salient points in the published > responses to my psychoanalytical article. (Those who have sent > me letters: I will get responses out to you soonish....) Let me > just point out (as I'm half surprised no one else did) that that > article would never have been published had I not been too proud > to be able to forgive my own imperfections -- and envious and > angry at those who seem to have much smaller imperfections. > (Besides, when I was a kid, I based my identity on being > near-perfect scholastically, and it's hard to get away from that > idea that I *must* be perfect, even now.) > -- Jeff Sargent I am going to attempt to shed some light on this subject. Simultaneously, I will try to avoid the sympathetic undertones that I have thusfar witnessed as response to your postings. I personally feel that regarding sympathy seriously can be emotionally damaging. I would like to point out that feeling sorry for yourself does not help you in any way, it only aids to reinforce an inferiority complex. PERFECTION? No thank you. I will not allow myself to be pressured into making NO mistakes. On the contrary, I make mistakes willingly. WHY? Time. I only have a limited time in order to function as a human being. Perfection would take forever. I understand that there is a fundamental limitation to what I am able to take into account in order to make a decision, either concious or unconcious, and that the important thing is to respond. Sometimes the act of not responding and taking a chance is a bigger mistake than not doing anything at all. Too often, I think, people impose limitations on themselves based on a fear of making mistakes. These are your critics. They are very adept in pointing out your flaws and feel very safe in their actions because there is no means of comparison. They have no sense of real achievement. They can only take pride in their ability to undermine your attempts at improving yourself. YES! Learning takes time, and you will most certainly make mistakes. This includes relationships. The thing is not to be afraid of making those inevitable mistakes in your relationships. For an intelligent being, strength is not something you are born with, strength is something you must learn. Your mistakes add character. They reveal so much about the way you feel about yourself inside, and about your ability to accept yourself as a valuable human being even with all your flaws. Bored to death with flagrent demands Expression of wisdom a show of hands Waiting, hoping for other mistakes Sit and be stupid if that's what it takes I feel you should release that pressure that makes you feel as though you need somehow to attain perfection. You might even be able to enlighten your critics, and get them off their asses. There is no greater feeling in the world than a sense of accomplishment, and there is no substitute for excellence. You have to be willing to make mistakes in order to learn. You have to develop the patience with yourself that sometimes the gratification that comes from learning is not always immediate. I think you will find that those who don't have anything better to do than to pick you apart at the flaws are the underachievers. You don't have to join them, with some time, they are easily beaten. Don't let yourself be driven by fear, understand what that fear is, and face it. Take that risk. You could make a mistake, yes, but the experience will make you stronger. this message has been brought to you from the world of the living ( have you ever noticed that there is no newsgroup called net.singles.final? ) Continuing the saga of the character of development and the development of character. The path of least resistance points towards strength. To lead is to follow. ----{ john williams }---- (DEC E-NET) KIRK::WILLIAMS (UUCP) {decvax, ucbvax, allegra}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-kirk!williams (ARPA) williams%kirk.DEC@decwrl.ARPA williams%kirk.DEC@Purdue-Merlin.ARPA