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From: kaufman@uiucdcs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: What is an SO-ship, anyway? - (nf)
Message-ID: <26600104@uiucdcs.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 5-Sep-84 22:34:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.26600104
Posted: Wed Sep  5 22:34:00 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 16-Sep-84 11:45:59 EDT
References: <1124@pucc-h.UUCP>
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Nf-ID: #R:pucc-h:-112400:uiucdcs:26600104:000:1838
Nf-From: uiucdcs!kaufman    Sep  5 21:34:00 1984

#R:pucc-h:-112400:uiucdcs:26600104:000:1838
uiucdcs!kaufman    Sep  5 21:34:00 1984

[Be vewwy quiet.  I'm hunting bugs.  Heh heh heh heh heh!]

     Jeff asked about the difference between friends and SOs.  I think the need
to distinguish between one and the other is an unfortunate one.  It is not so
much a matter of black and white as a bunch of grays, some of which blend in
with one another.  Just as you wouldn't classify all your friendships (even
limited to MOTAS) the same, putting your interpersonal relationships into two
buckets [ACK - a computer scientist! -ED] is extremely limiting.  One of the
greatest crimes of this language (and others too) is that it forces thoughts
into available words and alters non-verbalizable concepts.  Important concepts
get a lot of words to finely describe them; the proverbial example is the
Eskimos' 20+ words for snow.  Two english words for nonmarital caring
relationships - friend and boy/girlfriend - are simply not enough!  Naturally,
here I am not counting terms identical in meaning.
     I try not to force my interpersonal relationships to be described by a
word.  I prefer for them to develop without such restriction, letting things
evolve to a mutually optimal state of commitment.  Unfortunately, many others
do not feel this way and force themselves head-over-heels into a commitment
or to stay (in their own concept of the term) "just friends", either of which
denies them the opportunity to find an often desirable middle ground.
     Forcing the issue and classifying the relationship in one way or another
is an uncomfortable process for both parties.  Is it really necessary?  I
would be interested in hearing some responses, both concurring or opposing,
as I feel this is a healthy one for debate and actually appropriate to
net.singles(!)  Till next time, this is ...

Ken Kaufman (uiucdcs!kaufman)
"I'm afraid that position was filled two weeks ago."