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From: peterr@utcsrgv.UUCP (Peter Rowley)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Ashamed of being a full-time mother?
Message-ID: <5102@utcsrgv.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 30-Aug-84 03:37:09 EDT
Article-I.D.: utcsrgv.5102
Posted: Thu Aug 30 03:37:09 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 30-Aug-84 06:14:28 EDT
Organization: CSRI, University of Toronto
Lines: 37

I've just caught up on reading net.women;  please excuse the references to
old topics, but, after reading all the responses, I feel there are some
things that still should be said.

On women being ashamed to stay home and raise children:  Whether right or
not, I know one person who is quite deeply troubled by this.  She's about
to graduate with a degree in CS, but would rather stay at home and raise a
family than go out into the work force.  Germaine Greer's latest book appears
to sympathize with her, going by interviews I've seen.  

Of course, the problem with promoting mothering as a career (indeed, it need
not be a lifelong career, as it could occupy only one or two decades of one's
life in a full-time way) is that there are negative associations with it,
along with all the positive ones.  Feelings of dependence, isolation in the
home, and stultifying work.  But these feelings do not appear to be intrinsic.
Financial dependence can be eliminated by splitting all income 50-50. Isolation
can be alleviated by setting aside time when the mother can leave the house,
leaving the child with father, relatives, or paid assistance.  Finally,
housework can be shared, though this might be tough for low income people.

It has never been my impression that mothering *per se*, that is, the
raising of children, guiding their emotional, physical, and intellectual
development, is considered an unskilled or menial job.  Surely to help in
the development of a healthy, vital member of society is as valuable as,
say, helping to develop a compiler.

On the other hand, many mothers, I am sure, feel quite bitter about, e.g.,
financial dependence and the feeling that they do very little for themselves.
And thinking of the children as their "product" (a la the compiler of above)
can be dangerous for those children.  So perhaps it is also necessary for
a "full-time" mother to have a part-time vocation, which can also be used
to help reduce feelings of isolation.  And time must be particularly
provided for this vocation, by arrangement with spouse, relatives, etc.

Anyone out there who is/was a full-time mother (or father) like to comment?

p. rowley, U. Toronto