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From: 305nwsj@sunybcs.UUCP ( Hari-ette Seldon )
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Computer Dictionary
Message-ID: <851@sunybcs.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 14-Nov-84 00:21:46 EST
Article-I.D.: sunybcs.851
Posted: Wed Nov 14 00:21:46 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 14-Nov-84 05:54:21 EST
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<<  Yum, that tasted good  >>


  A friend of mine E-mailed this dictionary to me, found in an article
  in the Dec 1984 issue of `inCider'.  It is written by Robb Russon and 
  is given here, without permission. (but, of course, with full credit 
  to him!)


ASCII.
       The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
       become computer literate. Etymologically, the term has come down as 
       a contraction of the often-repeated phrase
       "ascii and you shall receive."

Backing up.
       The process of protecting what should never have been saved in the
       first place.

BASIC.
       An acronym that represents a universal programming language, but in
       reality was created as a joke among programmers. The letters stand
       for "Boy this Algorithm Sure Is Complex !"

Boot.
       Early computers were notoriously unreliable and often needed adjustment
       beyond the technical manual's guidance. To start these machines one often
       had to  give it a "boot". Thus the term has become to mean the 
       process of starting or running the machine.

Buffer.
       A derisive name for the proud new computer owner, who is always         
       polishing or "buffing" his equipment.

Character.
       You see these people hanging around computer rooms and in computer
       stores. They usually wear thick glasses and they mumble phrases such
       as, "I got ten megabytes from the I/O phasing using the intergrated
       verification data sequence."

Code.
       A secret string of symbols known only to those who have mastered the
       guild language. Makes equipment work and programs run.

Computer.
       The cause of it all. 

Control Character.  
       Those whom you ASCII (see Character).

Cursor.
       One whose program will not run.

Default.
       Usually the equipment or the recently-purchased software; never
       the owner.

Disk Drive.
       A street in Cupertino, California.

Error Message.
      What one gets when the instructions are scrupulously followed,
      routines checked, and bugs deleted.

Expansion Slot.
      A bottomless slit inside the computer into which large sums of money
      are poured in hopes of placating the the great god Peripheral.

Filename.
      A created title with the unique amnestic property of becoming 
      instantly forgotten as soon as it is written.

High Level Language.
      Communication between two programmers or computer engineers.

Immediate Execution.
      What happens when one messes around with computer innards with 
      the power on.

Interpreter.
      An individual with the ability to understand and communicate to others 
      the arcane mysteries of the computer.  (See High Level Language.)

Keyboard.
      A set of closely placed switches or buttons that change functions
      randomly from program to program, and even during a program.
      With some operators, these switches are almost uncanny in their
      ability to place themselves under fingers at the wrong time,
      particularly the reset and escape keys.

Kilobyte.
      A slang term used by "old computer hands" when describing the
      beginner.  It means, roughly, "he has bitten off more than he
      can chew."

Loops
      See Recursion.

Nibble.
      Another slang term for the green, rank beginner.  This person
      doesn't even measure up to a kilobyte.

Peripheral.
      The Great Spirit of computing whose omniscient presence dominates
      the hardware.  Those who wish to placate this spirit must softly
      utter the words, "I/O, I/O, I/O."

Ram.
      The process used by the main memory to stuff all the meaningless
      information generated by the operator into unused cracks and
      crannies inside the lid.

Recursion.
      See Loops.

Rigid Disk.
      A floppy disk that has been left out overnight in the car on the
      coldest night of winter.

ROM.
      The eternal, unchanging god of memory.

Save.
      The process used to create file names.  (See Filename.)

Syntax.
      Arbitrary rules, created by fiendish computer engineers, designed
      to confuse, perplex, befog, and baffle those who would rashly
      attempt to communicate with their computers using the rules
      painfully learned over many years of public schooling.
 
Turnkey Program.
      A good example of a typo that, with constant usage, remains
      intact in its original form.  The term was first used as an
      expletive uttered by those who would try and debug their
      programs (@#%*&!!#TURKEY PROGRAM!!) but was changed to its
      current form by a typing mistake.  (See Keyboard.)  It means
      about the same thing, but has lost its punch.

Write-Protect Tab.
      A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
      left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an
      error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far
      outweighs the momentary inconvenience.

...Sue W.

...{burdvax, rocksvax, bbncca, decvax, dual, rocksanne, watmath}!sunybcs!305nwsj