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From: dan@fluke.UUCP (Dan Everhart)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Confused by ambiguous signals
Message-ID: <1495@vax2.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 29-Oct-84 16:13:13 EDT
Article-I.D.: vax2.1495
Posted: Mon Oct 29 16:13:13 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 26-Oct-84 03:01:53 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Everett, WA
Lines: 47

[ This is me article, "Eric".  'E 'ad an accident. ]

Lately I've had an experience which has to do with a couple of things that
have been under discussion lately, such as who calls whom, how do you know
whether someone is interested or not, should women take initiative, and so
on.  I'd like to hear what people think about it.

Several weeks ago while shopping for ski equipment I ran into a woman that I
had met once before at a concert.  We had lunch together that day and talked
a lot.  (When we first met there was very little chance to get acquainted.)
There seemed to be mutual interest, so I asked her if she would like to have
dinner sometime.  She said yes, and we exchanged phone numbers.

Very well.  I called her two days later and asked her out to dinner for a
couple of days later and she told me the she had a meeting to go to that
night.  She sounded quite a bit different than she had during that lunch.
Her sentences were short and guarded; she wasn't volunteering much, nor
supporting the conversation.  I asked her if she still wanted to get
together sometime.  She responded "yes" (without hesitation) so I asked her
when would be a good time.  She replied that she was leaving for vacation in
about a week and that she would be gone for about a week and that sometime
after that would be good.

So I asked her if she would give me a call when she got back.  She said she
would.  I then told her that I had a telephone answering machine and asked
if she would be put off if she called up and reached the machine.  She said
she didn't like talking to phone machines, but would anyway.

As you may have guessed, she should have been back from vacation for a
couple of weeks now and has either not called or has called but left no
message on the machine.  I was ready to assume that I had been mistaken
about the positive signals I got during our lunch, due to her restraint
during the phone conversation and the fact that she has not called. ( Yet,
there was her definite "yes" about getting together again.  (On the other
hand, my question about if she still wanted to get together again was pretty
direct and the "yes" may have been the only polite answer.))  The recent
discussion of roles/games/expectations/whatever has made me think about it
some more.  I don't want to insult or disappoint her by not trying again if
that's what she expects.  Nor do I want to pester her if I have been
politely put off, as seems to be the case.

Comments, net liveware?


Dan 

{ decvax!microsof, uw-beaver, allegra, lbl-csam, ssc-vax } !fluke!dan