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From: ronse@prlb2.UUCP (Ronse)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Soviet sausages
Message-ID: <347@prlb2.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 13-Nov-84 07:39:23 EST
Article-I.D.: prlb2.347
Posted: Tue Nov 13 07:39:23 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 15-Nov-84 01:17:32 EST
Organization: PHILIPS Research Laboratory Brussels
Lines: 83

[This is a long sausage]

>How about this one (stolen from David Shipler's "Russia"):
>
>Communism, Socialism and Capitalism plan a get-together. But Socialism arrives
>half an hour late.
>
>Socialism: Sorry, comrades, I had to get some sausage for dinner, and there 
>   was a long line.
>Capitalism: What's a line?
>Communism: What's sausage?


Well Tovarishch, that is'nt really the good old Soviet joke (local 
gastronomy), but rather a piece of capitalist propaganda written by 
a Yankee journalist. How about these genuine humoristic expressions 
of the class-conscious proletarian masses of the Eastern Block, as 
expressed by the underground vanguard mass-media, I call it, radio 
Erivan (etc. etc.).

----------------------------------------------------------------------
(meat balls)

   Stalin arrives in a factory to announce the meat distribution. All
workers assemble in the dining hall.
   -- Aren't there any trotskyists here?
   Three workers raise their hands.
   -- No meat for trotskyists. Go out.
   They leave.
   -- Any Jews?
   A few people signal themselves.
   -- No meat for you either. Out! Are there Poles, Germans, Ukrainians?
   Ten people raise their hands.
   -- Out! No kulaks?
   Two more raise their hand.
   -- Out! Are there people who aren't member of the Party? Because they
too won't get any meat.
   Most people leave the hall. There remain only five workers.
   -- Well comrades, now that we are between us, I can tell you the truth.
There is no meat.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hungarian salami)

Q. Why don't Hungarian workers ever go on strike?
A. Because nobody would notice the difference.
Q. And why don't they ever work?
A. It's an old tradition in that country. The ruling class never works.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Zakouskis)

Stalin dies and makes his way to the heaven. St. Peter indignantly refuses him
entry, and sends him down to hell.

The next day, St. Peter is woken early by a grat clamour outside his window.
Looking out, he sees a huge crowd of devils, all demanding political asylum.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Caviar)

-- Come nearer to the microphone, comrade. Now tell the audience what sort of
flat you have.
-- I have four rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom and a toilet.
-- Four rooms! and what did you have before?
-- One room for the whole family.
-- And are you able to save?
-- Yes. I've saved half a million roubles.
-- But that's marvellous, comrade! And before?
-- I was permanently up to my neck in debt.
-- What sort of things do you eat, comrade?
-- Steak, turkey, caviar, that sort of things.
-- And before?
-- A crust of dry bread, when I could get my hands on one.
-- Bravo comrade! And now the last question. Tell the people when this
wonderful change came about in your life?
-- Just after my daughter started going out with the local Party 
secretary.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- 

(The three last ones come from the BIG RED JOKE BOOK (Pluto Press), the
Michelin Guide of political humour.