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From: pmd@cbscc.UUCP (Paul Dubuc)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Mother needs no excuse
Message-ID: <4177@cbscc.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 26-Nov-84 08:49:19 EST
Article-I.D.: cbscc.4177
Posted: Mon Nov 26 08:49:19 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 27-Nov-84 04:20:50 EST
References: <119@osu-eddie.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories <SCCS>, Columbus
Lines: 41


Thanks Karl,

I'll share this one with my wife.

For the first four years of our marriage she worked here at Bell Labs.
She's been home now since our daughter, Jessica, arrived in February.
Sometimes I've gotten tired of feeling apologetic when I have to explain
to those who ask when she's coming back to work that she's decided to
stay at home, at least until our kids are in school (we plan to have more).
One woman here wanted to be assured that it was really my wife's choice
(and not mine, I suppose).  I tell people seriously that, if she doesn't
want to stay I would.  Most people think I'm kidding.  Sometimes
I wonder if I am.  But if it came down to it I think I would.  The only
thing that scares me is that her job is so much more challenging than
mine.  I'd have to learn a lot of new skills.

And, yes, I know what it's like to miss out on the many joys of parenthood.
When my wife calls during the day to tell be that Jessica has started to
crawl or climb the stairs I really feel like I've missed something.
Getting home to watch a replay is okay, I guess, but not quite the same.
By that time the child's own excitement at doing something new is less. I
don't get to watch that initial excitement.  It's a special treat for me
when she wakes up before I have to leave for work.  That little girl is
so happy in the morning ... it makes my whole day.

It is not my intent here to make those in "two-career" families feel bad.  I
understand there are good reasons for this and don't begrudge anyone there
choice in this matter.  But I'd like them to understand the other side of
the picture.  There are some (most visibly feminist leaders) who are saying
that parents really don't know how best to raise their children, indicating
that we should turn the job over to "experts".  I think this is only a
justification for doing their own thing with a pretense of having the
child's best intrests in mind.  To me parenthood involves more than just
giving birth to offspring.  Of course that doesn't make us "expert" parents.
(Who defines what an "expert" in parenting is anyway?)  Being a parent has
as much importance in the growth of the adult parent as it does for the child.
-- 
The "resurrected",

Paul Dubuc	cbscc!pmd