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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!whuxlm!jug
From: jug@whuxlm.UUCP (Grauman Joseph)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: A Useful Deception
Message-ID: <610@whuxlm.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 27-Nov-84 12:02:51 EST
Article-I.D.: whuxlm.610
Posted: Tue Nov 27 12:02:51 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 28-Nov-84 04:14:26 EST
References: <209@desint.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Whippany
Lines: 45

> I am not generally in favor of deceiving one's children.  Indeed, I place a
> lot of value on dealing straightly, and have found this to be a successful
> approach.  But a friend of mine learned a little trick that is certainly very
> useful, and seems to me to be a fairly harmless lie.  You simply teach your
> kid (it helps to start very young) that they only grow when they are asleep.
> This makes bedtimes much easier;  you simply point out that they need to
> sleep to grow big and strong so they can do all those grown-up things they
> want to do.  In some sense, this is even true;  I just put a lot more
> emphasis on the growth part and less on the health part.
> -- 
> 
> 	Geoff Kuenning
> 	First Systems Corporation
> 	...!ihnp4!trwrb!desint!geoff

[A few bytes for the bit cruncher]

I totally disagree with the concept of deceiving one's, or for that matter,
someone else's children, in order to get them to do something.  There's no
need to deceive if you do things the right way from the beginning.  Having
to characterize a deception as being useful is just a way to rationalize a
screw-up by the parents which created the undesirable mode of behavior in
their kids.

We have never had any problems with our kids going to sleep at bedtime
for the following reasons:

1.  When kids are tired they really want to sleep.

2.  We never made their bedroom an undesirable place, i.e., we have never
    threatened to send them to their bedroom as punishment when they mis-
    behaved, nor do we threaten and use early bedtime for unrelated
    misbehavior.

3.  They're not worried about missing something while they're asleep since
    we have developed a relationship built on mutual trust, and we share
    with each other stories about events that are of interest and which
    occur when not everyone is present.

Another popular area of 'useful' deception is mealtime and trying to get
kids to eat.  This would probably generate a lively discussion in net.kids.

In general, an honest and up-front relationship with kids goes a lot
further than one based on so-called 'useful' deceptions.  That has been
our experience, and it works!