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From: rbg@cbosgd.UUCP (Richard Goldschmidt)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Meeting the Parents
Message-ID: <519@cbosgd.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 24-Nov-84 19:07:13 EST
Article-I.D.: cbosgd.519
Posted: Sat Nov 24 19:07:13 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 25-Nov-84 03:44:21 EST
References: <614@pucc-k>
Organization: Bell Labs, Columbus
Lines: 31


About how to tell them you will be living together...

I go for the direct (i.e., blunt) approach.  I have wrangeled over this 
issue several times with my mother (my dad didn't care).  Why should the 
government (or your parents) interfere in anyone's private relationships.  
I have argued that children may need the legal protection of marriage, but 
that otherwise it is an anachronism.  Ask if they would rather have the 
possibility you getting divorced relatively soon rather than just splitting 
up.  Are they willing to foot the bill?  Just thinking about making lawyers 
rich is enough to turn almost anyone's stomach!  Besides, since they have 
little effective control, most parents eventually relent, unless the potential
spouse is of the wrong sex, religion or color, in which case they have been 
known to disown.

I have found that sleeping arrangements during visits home are a MUCH more
contentious issue.  I finally convinced my mother just this Thanksgiving.
We were talking about one of her best friends of many years standing, whose
husband died while in public service.  As a result, the government gives her
a generous pension, on the condition that she does not remarry.  So I asked
my mom if she was going to ask her friend and her friend's current SO to
sleep in separate rooms when they come to visit.  She finally saw the light.
But not until after the usual midnight visits ("hey, don't moan so loud, 
you'll wake the rents"), and the occasional boycotts ("well we sleep together
at home, why should we come if you don't respect our relationship").  It 
appears that the basic issue is one of adulthood, and their acceptance of it. 
I guess a Bar Mitzvah just isn't good enough anymore...

Rich Goldschmidt     {ucbvax,ihnp4,decvax,allegra} !cbosgd!rbg
		     ARPA:  cbosgd!rbg@ucbvax