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Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84 chuqui version 1.7 9/23/84; site nsc.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!nsc!chuqui
From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Cheshire Chuqui)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Meeting the Parents
Message-ID: <1898@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 27-Nov-84 00:27:16 EST
Article-I.D.: nsc.1898
Posted: Tue Nov 27 00:27:16 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 28-Nov-84 01:50:24 EST
References: <614@pucc-k> <>
Reply-To: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Cheshire Chuqui)
Organization: Plaid Heaven
Lines: 42
Summary: 

>I have found that sleeping arrangements during visits home are a MUCH more
>contentious issue.  I finally convinced my mother just this Thanksgiving.
>We were talking about one of her best friends of many years standing, whose
>husband died while in public service.  As a result, the government gives her
>a generous pension, on the condition that she does not remarry.  So I asked
>my mom if she was going to ask her friend and her friend's current SO to
>sleep in separate rooms when they come to visit.  She finally saw the light.
>But not until after the usual midnight visits ("hey, don't moan so loud, 
>you'll wake the rents"), and the occasional boycotts ("well we sleep together
>at home, why should we come if you don't respect our relationship").  It 
>appears that the basic issue is one of adulthood, and their acceptance of it. 

Actually, it is MUCH more complicated that simple adulthood. If you really
want them to accept your values, you must accept theirs as well. Some
parents just can't accept two unmarried people sleeping together, but they
can mostly ignore it if you don't shove it under their nose. If this is a
REAL problem, stay in a motel. You get your point across, but you do it in
a nice way with a minimum of hurt feelings. 

There is another complicating factor-- children or their equivalent. In my
case, when I take my SO to meet my parents later this month, we'll be
staying there in separate quarters because my mothers father is living
there as well. He is old and mostly an invalid and simply couldn't accept
the situation. With children, your parents have the right to bring them up
as they wish, and watching two unmarried people sleep together may be
morally unjustified to them. Again, you can't shove it under their nose,
and trust me, you can't really hide it. If you can't work out a reasonable
compromise (separate guest rooms with connecting doors, for instance), then
the only REAL alternative is a motel.

Everyone has a right to live their life the way they see best, and that 
includes parents. If your views deserve respect, so do theirs. It is, as
always, a two way street.

chuq

-- 
From the center of a Plaid pentagram:		Chuq Von Rospach
{cbosgd,decwrl,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui  nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA

  ~But you know, monsieur, that as long as she wears the claw of the dragon
  upon her breast you can do nothing-- her soul belongs to me!~