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From: rry@homxa.UUCP (R.YADAVALLI)
Newsgroups: net.women,net.flame
Subject: Re: Morley Safer on Burning Brides
Message-ID: <492@homxa.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 14-Nov-84 15:03:24 EST
Article-I.D.: homxa.492
Posted: Wed Nov 14 15:03:24 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 15-Nov-84 03:24:12 EST
References: <1851@nsc.UUCP>, <1010@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 46



>this way every day is appalling.  This is not random violence committed
>by men against women.  In-laws are involved, and it is almost socially
>acceptable.  However, I don't think that there is much we can do about it.
>					Beth Katz
>					{seismo,allegra}!umcp-cs!beth

Saying that burning of brides is socially acceptable is asinine. Considering
the number of women raped and sexually assaulted everyday in New York City alone
is it fair to say that rape is socially acceptable in the US? What about the
child abuse that is going on? Is it socially acceptable? Three people burnt 
everyday (even this number is questionable) constitutes a very small percentage
of the total population of India. It does not mean that burning people for
whatever reasons is excusable either. 

>This type of story makes me very happy that I live in America where I can
>marry for love.

It can happen in India too. I married someone of my choice and my parents were 
magnanimous in accepting our marriage. I have no problems with arranaged 
marriages either. I believe that my parents are my well-wishers and that they
will do what's best for me. It is nice to be able to rely upon their experience
when making a decision that will affect the rest of my life. Marriages in India
don't HAVE to be arranged. They typically are arranged for the following reason:

The social structure doesn't allow free interaction of unmarried men and
women. Leaving the reasons for isolation of the sexes aside for the moment, men
and women who don't have any preferences leave the task of finding a
compatible partner to their parents. The maturity of the parents helps the
young and inexperienced look beyond the physical and emotional aspects of "love"
and consider pragmatic aspects as well. In a country as culturally diversified
as India, cultural compatibility is quite significant. This system has resulted
in a stable society for ages and is still working.

Why then, in America where one "can marry for love", is the divorce rate so 
high?

Let's give India credit where it is due. Indians elected a woman to hold the
most prestigious office in the country almost twenty years ago! This is not
the first time in Indian history a woman ruled the country. There are instances
in Indian history when women went to war and fought for the country.

Raghu Yadavalli
AT&T Bell Laboratories
Holmdel, NJ