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From: fishbein@nbs-amrf.UUCP (Donn Fishbein)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: The Computer Expert's Glossary (long, probably not worth the effort)
Message-ID: <378@nbs-amrf.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 25-Jan-85 00:51:05 EST
Article-I.D.: nbs-amrf.378
Posted: Fri Jan 25 00:51:05 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 30-Jan-85 04:51:10 EST
Organization: Natl. Inst. Health, Bethesda, MD
Lines: 92

not a shar file -- do not cut here
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[Reprinted from Datamation 15 Jan 84]

THE COMPUTER EXPERT'S GLOSSARY

ADA:  something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in 
Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an 
ADA awareness.

Bug:  an elusive creaure living in a program that makes it
incorrect.  The activity of "debugging", or removing bugs from a
program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are
removed.

Cache:  a very expensive part of the memory system of a computer that
no one is supposed to know is there.

Design:  what you regret not doing later on.

Documentation:  instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for
English-speaking persons.

Economies of scale:  the notion that bigger is better.  In
particular, that if you want a certain amount of computer power, it is
much cheaper to buy one biggie than a bunch of smallies.  Accepted as
an article of faith by people who love big machines and all that
complexity.  Rejected as an article of faith by those who love small
machines and all those limitations.

Hardware:  the parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Information center:  a room staffed by professional computer people
whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you
require.

Information processing:  what you call data processing when people are
so disgusted with it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.

Machine-independent program: a program that will not run on any
machine.

Meeting:  an assembly of computer experts coming together to
decide what person or department not represented in the room must
solve a problem.

Minicomputer:  a computer that can be afforded on the budget of a
middle-level manager.

Office automation:  the use of computers to improve efficiency by
removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.

On-line:  the idea that a human being should always be
accessible to a computer.

Pascal:  a programming language named after a man who would turn over
in his grave if he knew about it.

Performance:  a statement of the speed at which a computer system
works.  Or rather, might work under certain circumstances.  Or was
rumored to be working over in Jersey about a month ago.

Priority:  a statement of the importance of a user or a program.
Often expressed as a relative priority, indicating that the user
doesn't care when the work is completed so long as he is treated less
badly than someone else.

Quality control:  assuring that the quality of a product does
not get out of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or design.

Regression analysis:  Mathematical techniques for trying to
understand why things are getting worse.

Strategy:  a long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated
until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.

Systems programmer:  a person in sandals who has been in the
elevator with a senior vice president and is ultimately responsible
for a phone call you are to receive from your boss.

----------------------------------------------

If for any reason you actually enjoyed this excerpt,
you'll probably like the rest of the article.


-- 
Donn S. Fishbein, MD
Neuro-Imaging Section, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, MD
..!seismo!nbs-amrf!neurad!donn			     (301)496-6801