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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!techpub
From: techpub@mhuxt.UUCP (mcgrew)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Living in sin?
Message-ID: <535@mhuxt.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 22-Jan-85 15:44:18 EST
Article-I.D.: mhuxt.535
Posted: Tue Jan 22 15:44:18 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 23-Jan-85 07:18:39 EST
References: <201@tekred.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
Lines: 79

> 
>      Hi there, I'm Ron Bemis...  I've followed this group  for  a
> few  weeks  now, and I thought it was time to put my two bits in.
> I'm 23 years old - just thought I'd mention that because I  often
> wonder  about  the ages of other people I've been reading from in
> this group.
> 

Hi Ron, Melanie here. I, too have followed this group for a while,
not posting very often. Oh, just so you know, I'm 27 (I've wondered
about ages also).

>      Enough about that.  I have a question that  may  raise  some
> discussion.   What are the trials and tribulations experienced by
> people living together (unmarried)?  I did it once  for  about  4
> months  and  it  ended up in a bitter breakup and move-out. 
> 

Well, I can offer a little something on this subject. You see, I
was married to the person I'd lived with for almost 6 years, this
past October.

I'm a little leary about posting this, I must admit, because our
relationship was very different, in that we've always gotten along
especially well for over the 13 years. We met when I
was 13 and he 18 and became close friends for 6 years. When I say
close I *mean* close. I always called him up about my
personal problems (parental, boyfriend, etc.) and he was always
there for me. Then, after 6 years of this, we started going out
(which was kinda strange, since we *were* such good friends),
and eventually moved in together.

As I said, we were married this past Oct., and all in all not
that much has changed. The biggest worry of mine (and his, I
think) was the money situation. I'd always paid my share of the
bills (half for the first 3 years, then when he started making
a bit more money than me he paid a little more than half of the bills
after all *he* ate more than me). :-) :-)

When we got married, I realized this would change; ALL money
would be split down the middle, and I feared he would think I was
taking advantage of the situation, and he feared he wouldn't be able
to handle (or like) splitting everything. But I can honestly say we've
adapted pretty good. We just bought a house and another baby parakeet,
things are going pretty smoothly. I'm not saying we don't have problems,
we have LOTS, but for the most part, we don't let them get too out of hand
before discussing them. I guess we were lucky to have found each other. Oh,
just so you don't think it was all roses, when we started going out,
we were both collecting unemployment (no flames, please...that's another
issue entirely), with virtually no plans for the future
and also about 2 years ago we split up for three months
or so. But in general, we try to work things out.

> 
>      Don't you think there are some bad marriages  that  wouldn't
> happen  if  the couple had lived together first?  

> Ron Bemis     / o o \   Support Bacteria -
> Tektronix    | \___/ |  It's the only culture
> Redmond, OR   \_____/   Some people have!

Certainly...I feel that if we'd been married without living together first,
it would have probably ended in divorce. I think I would've felt trapped
with the only solution being divorce. By living together first, either
of us could have walked out with no strings (and at one point I
did just that), and living together just had a sense of not being so final.
By the time a couple goes through the legal process of divorce, there
usually isn't any room for second thoughts, yet when we decided
to split for awhile, I had time and room to think, *without* saying
"Well I've already started the proceedings....," getting a call from
his lawyer saying "Your husband wants this possesion or that posession..."
etc, and getting totally pissed all over again.

I'll be interested to see what other responses you get.

Thanks for listening.

Melanie Accomando
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