Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site cci-bdc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!genrad!mit-eddie!cybvax0!cci-bdc!larry From: larry@cci-bdc.UUCP (Larry DeLuca) Newsgroups: net.women,net.singles Subject: Re: Ann Landers Survey Message-ID: <127@cci-bdc.UUCP> Date: Tue, 22-Jan-85 01:08:28 EST Article-I.D.: cci-bdc.127 Posted: Tue Jan 22 01:08:28 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 27-Jan-85 05:07:25 EST References: <1117@pyuxa.UUCP> Organization: Computer Consoles, Inc., Cambridge, MA Lines: 71 Xref: watmath net.women:4250 net.singles:5614 > [ 72% of USENETTER's prefer a hug to a bug - Jeff S makes up the other 28%] > 1) Sex, 2) a hug, 3) reading Ann Landers, 4) none of the above (for Jeff :-) > i like both a lot (too much, sometimes). being gay, i have a peculiar vantage point because sex is always so readily available and (until recently, with the AIDS crisis) carried few long-term risks (read: pregnancy). i had been somewhat promiscuous for a while and grew very tired of sex itself, though it took me a lot longer to realize why i kept going back -- it was the loneliness -- the need to feel attractive, to feel loved. it took me a while to figure out after that that i wasn't getting what i thought i was getting from these one-night stands. i thought a lot about just asking someone home to sleep with me -- read: let's curl up together, cuddle a bit, and go to sleep -- because i missed having someone next to me at night after breaking up with my last boyfriend. I really would have preferred a hug to the sex i was getting at the time. there were a few times, however, when sex was exactly what i wanted. it took me more time than anything else to acknowledge that it was OK to have a sex drive (and an annoyingly high one at that), and that it was OK to indulge it once in a while as long as i was careful not to get (or spread) any disease and didn't hurt anyone. i find that my sex drive gets higher when i'm depressed, and i think now that has to do with wanting the reassurance of someone holding me close for a while. i've found, though, that i do prefer a steady boyfriend and a more monogamous relationship (i'm just getting started getting involved with someone, so i am seeing other people, which feels strangely foreign to me because for so long i have been a total monogamist (in belief when not in practice -- i gave myself hell for anyone i slept with that i wasn't in love with), but i learned what can happen to a potential relationship if it gets too deep too fast). i want things to go slowly, and i don't want any real pressure yet. also i think i can understand why more women would prefer a hug to sex. many men are out there to get *their* rocks off, and really don't care much about the other person, be they male or female. I have had some wonderful sex partners (mostly the ones where a mutual concern for the other person's pleasure was apparent, but not such a dominating factor that they forgot to have fun too), and i have also had a few people i wouldn't trust to screw in a lightbulb after extricating myself from their presence. While i am no 'fem' (i just consider myself a normal, average person who happens to be gay) i am constantly annoyed in particular by the 'butch' attitude -- 'I don't do that', or "you can do anything you like. just don't expect me to reciprocate." (my first boyfriend told me that. i stayed with him for a long time because we were both young (high school), each others' first, and because i was too stupid to see he was being selfish and inconsiderate). i guess what i'm saying is what i said in the first paragraph. it's nice to have both, but i can really understand the 'hug > bug' view- point, seeing as how i held it for a while. it seems that you have to know which you are looking for at the time (or if you are looking for both). once you know that, you can go from there and will probably be more satisfied with whoever you find. larry... -- uucp: ..mit-eddie!cybvax0!cci-bdc!larry arpa: henrik@mit-mc.ARPA This mind intentionally left blank.