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From: gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Living in sin?
Message-ID: <1091@houxm.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 26-Jan-85 15:27:09 EST
Article-I.D.: houxm.1091
Posted: Sat Jan 26 15:27:09 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 28-Jan-85 04:38:36 EST
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Xref: watmath net.singles:5637 net.social:427

> From: ronbe@tekred.UUCP (Ron Bemis )

>    Don't you think there are some bad marriages  that  wouldn't
> happen  if  the couple had lived together first?  I've heard from
> divorced people who DID live together before marriage  that  that
> little piece of paper makes a big difference.  I don't know, I've
> never been through it.  It just seems to me that  marriage  is  a
> BIG  change  for  anybody,  and  anything  to  make  that  change
> smoother/slower/easier might help.

>    What does everybody think?

I think that the reason that there are bad marriages are becuase the people
didn't get married because they really loved each other and were willing to
commit themselves to each other "for better and for worse", "in sickness and
in health", "till death do they part".  I mean, face it, those are the marr-
iage vows if you were married by a priest or minister, and if you really be-
lieve marriage to be the sacred bond that it is you will work to make those
vows work.  (Now, I know I'm probably going to get flamed by everyone who
has been divorced, but I feel I've got to say this.)  Too many marriages these
days are failing because the couple didn't marry out of love and a desire to
share their lives together *forever*, but because they were infatuated with
each other, or one or both was lonely and needed someone, or one was dependent
on the other, or the only way one would be able to have sex with the other
would be through marriage, or some other reason(s) that don't add up to the
promises stated in the marriage vows.

You folks who got divorces ... I'm not trying to flame you or anything, but 
think about it!  Those vows, they ought to be taken seriously, otherwise 
they are just idle statements.  Some Christian friends that I know went through
months of marriage counseling before they married -- they discovered, even
though they were very much in love that they were not yet ready for marriage.
Marriage should be entered thoughtfully, reverently, etc. (I don't remember
that part of the ceremony.)  Otherwise, what is it but just some random
mumblings?  Empty words.

Anyhow, I feel a real flame coming on, but I think I'll quit now.  But before
I go let me say that no matter how much time you spend living together before
you're married, unless you are really ready to *commit* yourself to the
marriage, and to make it work, you could live together 500 years and your
marriage still wouldn't work.

Perhaps people who aren't ready to commit to marriage but enjoy living togeth-
er should just live together.  Better not to marry at all than to marry and
divorce, I think.  The number of divorces is just too high these days.

Again, to all of you divorcees, I'm not trying to flame you, but just to try
and get a little perspective on what marriage is all about, and how the vows
take on their true meaning when things aren't going as well as they used to.
Comments are welcome from everybody, please post.
-- 
			Baby tie your hair back in a long white bow ...
			Meet me in the field, behind the dynamo ...

Greg Skinner (gregbo)
{allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo