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From: haas@utah-gr.UUCP (Walt Haas)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: js
Message-ID: <1316@utah-gr.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 25-Jan-85 17:22:28 EST
Article-I.D.: utah-gr.1316
Posted: Fri Jan 25 17:22:28 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 2-Feb-85 11:39:48 EST
Organization: Univ of Utah CS Dept
Lines: 37

At the risk of getting flames from both directions, I am finally
going to insert my $0.02 on this subject.  If somebody is playing
the "Yes but" game, you are not helping or supporting them by playing
the game with them; you are at best allowing them to continue in
their customary fashion.  In general, playing games interferes with
real human communication and does more harm than good in the long run.
On the other hand, excluding somebody from a group is not the best
way to make them stop playing the game, either.  So, how do you get
somebody to stop playing games?  Good question - a number of clinical
psychologists have reputations which rest on their success in doing
this.  A local professor of note, Ernst Beier, wrote a book called
/People Reading/ on the subject which says, basically, "Listen to
how you feel when the individual lays their trip on you.  The real
purpose of the game is probably to make you feel that way.  Use this
information to figure out a different response which will break up
the game and find and address the issue that motivates it."  Applying
this good advice is easier said than done, although Ernst is famous
for making this idea work in practice.  I have not, myself, quite
mastered the trick...  So where does this leave Jeff?  Well, he
seems to have a lot of unresolved issues of self-worth and a lot
of strongly held expectations about how others perceive him.
Sometimes issues like this are better resolved in group therapy
than in individual therapy.  After my divorce several years ago I
was in a T group for a few months, with the result that some similar
issues which I had were resolved fairly nicely.  Based on this
experience, I would think that a T group type of environment might
help Jeff.  Can the net function as a T group?  I don't know, but
the idea sounds interesting.  Usually, however, a T group has a
couple of professional counselors, a man and a woman, who keep the
group focused on real issues and prevent it from becoming just a
party.  I don't know if the net has anybody like that available.
How about it, does anybody else have T group experience?

Regards  -- Walt

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