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From: paveleck@ihldt.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: First Dates
Message-ID: <2701@ihldt.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 28-Jan-85 13:27:44 EST
Article-I.D.: ihldt.2701
Posted: Mon Jan 28 13:27:44 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 3-Feb-85 01:06:31 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 63

I have also had experience with some "blind dates" (which originated
via dating services) and, although there's always some nervousness
attached with a first meeting, there are a few things you can do to
make things easier for both parties:

(1) TRY TO CALL THE PERSON BEFOREHAND.  By this, I don't mean just an
    acknowledgement of where and when the date will be; you should
    get on the phone and talk to the person for a while.  This way,
    you can get some idea of what that person is like, what they'd
    be interested in doing on that first date and (obviously) what
    kind of conversationalist that person is.  Although this idea
    might seem obvious to you, I know of some people who haven't
    done any more than make the obligatory call I mentioned above
    (and have been sorry for it later).

(2) SUGGEST A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN EASILY AND COMFORTABLY TALK TO EACH
    OTHER.  In other words, avoid loud, dark night spots, concerts,
    etc.  Your first date should be an honest, let's-get-to-know-each-
    other meeting, with most (if not all) emphasis on just talking.
    This will help you both get an accurate portrait of each other NOW,
    before you both waste any more time (you'll find out whether you're
    repulsed by that person or if that person has the conversational
    ability of a soap dish).  If things go smoothly in this relatively
    non-threatening environment, you might be comfortable enough to
    go to loud, dark night spots (or whatever you like) later.

(3) KEEP THE DATE SIMPLE.  Don't suggest an expensive night of dinner
    and dancing; go with a lunch date, a cup of coffee, etc.  This
    will put you both at ease (as nobody will have to tap into their
    savings accounts or feel greatly obligated).  You should also
    agree on who pays, as there are varying interpretations on this
    idea (my view is that the person who does the asking should expect
    to foot the bill, but I've also agreed to split the bill somehow
    if the woman I called insisted on paying).  I would also
    recommend that you don't call the person for a date if you've
    only got $5 in your pocket (to last you for a whole week).

(4) TRY TO BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER.  As you are probably aware of, a
    lot of blind dates don't turn out well (for whatever reasons).
    If you see that you're not getting along, just try to be polite
    to the other person (perhaps suggesting kindly that you end the
    evening).  Don't be vocal about the things you don't like about
    the other person, as you could be subjected to the same complaints
    and the whole thing can turn into a shouting match.  I add this
    because some people I know have a problem being diplomatic (and
    it makes for an embarrassing situation).  Try to accept the other
    person's viewpoint, even if you don't agree with it.
    
(5) FOLLOW THE GOLDEN RULE.  This is probably the most important thing
    to remember.  Try to be neat, pleasant and considerate of the other
    person.  Also, consider the circumstances under which you're meeting
    (is that person feeling well, did last-minute happenings force the
    time of the date to be altered, etc.).  These ideas will make things
    easier in any case (you both can make honest evaluations of each
    other in the light of those events) and might even get you a 2nd
    date.

I know I've probably rambled a bit, but these are a few of my thoughts
on what to do on first dates.  I hope this helps, or, at least, generates
some thoughts from other readers.

Bob Paveleck
ihldt!paveleck