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From: percus@acf4.UUCP (Allon G. Percus)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Hilarious jokes, offensive only to fools
Message-ID: <760009@acf4.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 31-Jan-85 14:27:00 EST
Article-I.D.: acf4.760009
Posted: Thu Jan 31 14:27:00 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 7-Feb-85 04:24:33 EST
Organization: New York University
Lines: 103

Here are some jokes that are guaranteed to make you fall off your
chair...

Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?

A: Because he was hungry.


Q: What do you call a Lebanese lawyer in his third year of school?

A: Fred.


Q: What does a fried Potato have in common with eleven spiders?

A: Very little.


   There is a building with four floors. On the first floor, there
   is a convention of architects. On the second floor, there is a
   vinyl manufacturing plant. On the third floor there is a fast 
   food stand, and on the fourth floor there is a library.

Q: What would happen if a librarian travelled down in a small
   elevator with one person from each other floor?

A: The elevator would be full.


   Figure out the following puzzle:

If dog is to cat as cat is to mouse, and caribou is to guinea pig
as elephant is to amoeba, select the appropriate answer:

   Garden snake is to bee    as   rabbit is to ____________

   A)  mouse                   C)  aardvark
   B)  giraffe                 D)  otter








yes, the correct answer is C, AARDVARK.




A Tall Story...

    A man with one eye was walking down the street. He went into
a tobacconists to buy a pipe.
    As he encountered the man behind the desk, he asked for a pipe.
    The tobacconist replied:
    "You can buy this pipe when the moon is full."
    The man with one eye left, puzzled.

    He continued down the street to the grocery store. He was 
purchasing a quart of milk, when the cash register girl said:
    "You can buy this milk when the moon is full, and the cows are out."

    The man was now curiously unnerved. He continued down the street
to a bookstore. He was looking at books, and he came across a book
on gardening that he liked. Surely enough, he was stopped from buying
it by the salesman's cryptic message:
    "You can buy this book when the moon is full, and the cows are out, 
and the corn grows tall."

    The man with one eye was now thoroughly confused. His purchases
has been mysteriously refused at three different locations. The man,
being somewhat paranoid, took a bus to a different town.

    When he arrived, he walked into a butcher store and attempted to
buy one pound of sausages. As expected, the butcher's reply was in
order: 
    "You can buy this meat when the moon is full, and the cows are out,
and the corn grows tall, and the sky is clear."
   
    The man took one final capitalist gesture. He walked into a 
delicatessen to buy a soda. He was greeted with
    "Sixty cents, please."
    
    He had finally broken the cult of salespeople who refused his
money. He was happy. He opened up his can of soda, took a sip, and
died on the spot.

    Autopsy reports reveal that the sixty-cent soda can had been
poisoned with Aluminum Diethyl Chloride.

The Moral (and Punch line) to this story...

           If each, to one, a cent is owed,
           The line of path and life be slowed;
           Since wanton fear of life is 'bound,
           The terror 'f soda-drinking's found.
 
                                         A. G. Percus
                                  (ARPA) percus@nyu-acf4
                                  (NYU)  percus.acf4
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