Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84; site ittvax.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!ihnp4!crsp!pesnta!qumix!ittvax!allenm From: allenm@ittvax.UUCP (Allen Matsumoto) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: Putting small children to sleep Message-ID: <1610@ittvax.UUCP> Date: Mon, 21-Jan-85 11:46:14 EST Article-I.D.: ittvax.1610 Posted: Mon Jan 21 11:46:14 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 23-Jan-85 05:00:18 EST Distribution: net Organization: ITT-ATC, Stratford Ct. Lines: 70 This seems to be another of those topics that people think there are right and wrong answers to. I think that a lot of those people forget the main goal is having kids who know they are loved and cared for. We have three kids, who are 8, 4, and 1. I started out trying to raise the first in a well-structured way, "by the book", whatever that is. But my wife convinced me otherwise. The rules in the books (or from friends) were developed for (unstated) reasons. Often we disagree with the reasoning, and hence with the rules. We have an 8 1/2 month old. Until about two weeks ago we were holding his bottle and rocking him to sleep in our arms. We were told that it is a very bad habit to get you child into and that he should be going to sleep in his crib by himself. We were then given the advise of putting him in his crib with the bottle propped to wean him from having to hold him. What's the problem with holding him and rocking him to sleep? The main one is that it takes your time. Obviously, he will eventually learn to go to sleep by himself. You can make him learn that sooner, and save yourself all those minutes holding him, rocking him, singing or talking to him, getting to watch him. I personally like doing that for our kids. Maybe the people who gave you that "advice" think it's something to be avoided. The problem has been that he seems to cry more and does not go to sleep as easily as he use to when we held him. I'm not surprised. Are you? He misses being held. He misses knowing someone is there when he goes to sleep. Our baby usually goes to sleep by herself now (she's 16 months old). But when she has a hard time, one of us will hold her and do something like rocking or walking her around until she settles down. Sometimes she goes back to bed and falls asleep, sometimes we have to hold her until she's fast asleep (like last night, yawn). I would rather have slept, but something was bothering her and she needed to know we were there for her. It does get better as they grow. Our older kids get stories for bedtime. That's usually enough for the 8 year old. The 4 year old often wants a song (she told me last night that 2 of our songs are just for babies). The baby gets a lullaby when she doesn't simply fall asleep when we put her in the crib. I don't believe that kids fuss and cry attempting to control their parents. Babies, at least, cry when something is wrong. And I think it's unhelpful to leave them crying. If he insists on being around you all the time, that's different. But just (or mostly) at night, what do you lose by spending 20 or 30 minutes getting him to sleep? Robbin Brahms {ucbvax,decvax}!trwrb!trwspp!spp2!spp1!spp3!robbin If you like holding him with his bottle, and he obviously does, there's got to be some really terrific reason not to. I can't think of one. Let me know if you can, all right? Allen Matsumoto ITT Adv. Tech. Center, Stratford, CT 06497 203-385-7218 (decvax!ittvax!allenm) -- Allen Matsumoto ITT Adv. Tech. Center, Stratford, CT 06497 203-385-7218 (decvax!ittvax!allenm) : Any opinions expressed are my opinions.