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From: tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Putting Children to Bed
Message-ID: <873@vax1.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 1-Feb-85 12:18:42 EST
Article-I.D.: vax1.873
Posted: Fri Feb  1 12:18:42 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 3-Feb-85 11:30:22 EST
References: <11802@gatech.UUCP>
Reply-To: tron@fluke.UUCP (Peter Barbee)
Distribution: net
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc., Everett, WA
Lines: 45

>   So please, parents, tell us about the child-rearing practices
>you are comfortable with, but don't try to back them up with
>(probably) false claims as to their soundness.  And especially,
>don't try to make the more disciplinary of you feel guilty
>with cheap shots about their humanity.
> 
>                                           Amy Lapwing Pitts

Your whole article seemed so well thought out and then in the last paragraph
you seem to say that discipline (more discipline is better) is assumed correct
while you want us to prove that a non-antagonistic approach must be proved.

My question to you is, do you want me to tell you what to do because I "know"
better ? (supposedly based on more experience)  Do you think it is right?

If you answered no (I realize I'm assuming) then why should we treat a child
differently?

Do we want to condition children to not worry too much because their parents 
will make all the really tough decisions?  And further limit their confidence
by punishing (or just "disciplining") them when they make a decision we disagree
with?

A while back I began my career as a mechanical engineer.  In my first few months
I was not the most productive engineer around, and I also made some significant
mistakes.  Did my boss discipline me?  Did he take over some of my decisons?
No, he encouraged me to keep trying and showed confidence in my decision-making
ability.  He was definitely banking on the future, I like to think that his 
confidence paid off.

I think the above is pretty analogous to raising children, I like myself and I
like the confidence my 4-year old shows as a result of my actions.  At least
I like to think her behavior is affected by our relationship, I know it is not
an absolute cause-effect situation.

Just another father,

Peter Barbee

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