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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!alice!missthe!movie
From: movie@missthe.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.movies
Subject: Review:  Perils of Gwendoline--Spoiler, I suppose...
Message-ID: <666@missthe.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 23-Jan-85 04:05:25 EST
Article-I.D.: missthe.666
Posted: Wed Jan 23 04:05:25 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 28-Jan-85 05:03:54 EST
Organization: I don't want to admit I paid to see this movie
Lines: 52

First off, this IS a serious review. (Gene??)  The reason that we
aren't signing our names is that we don't want to admit that
we actually went to the theatre, spent money for it, and sat
through the whoooooooole thing. (burp!)

Seriously, we aren't the type that likes blood and gore,
and we hated Fri 13th.  The other two of that title were
significantly worse, we've heard, although we didn't
bother to find out.  "The Perils of Gwendoline" is even worse,
AND THERE *IS* NO BLOOD AND/OR GORE TO SPEAK OF.

***SPOILER WARNING, IF THIS MESS CAN BE SPOILED***

Imagine a whole stereotyped Chinese city with stereotypical
sinister Chinese starving crooks living it.   Imagine a
movie that starts out in such an offensive and demeaning
(to orientals, that is) place.

Now, then.  Introduce a stacked, sexy, utterly helpless and
coweringly powerless idiot heroine who is nailed in a box,
kidnapped (in that order, please), tied up, rescued by THE 
HERO, tied up, rescued, tied up, (I think you get the idea!?)...

Of course, her utterly repugnant, ugly, mousy, and totally
devoted sidekick has a lot to do with the rescuing...

Oh yes, did we mention that the hero is also caught, tied up, rescued, tied up,
escapes, tied up, escapes, tied up, RAPED (By the heroine, no
less, who is from a CONVENT, and who has to ASK HOW to do it,
and who IS FORCED to do it on top of everything else, pun
intentional!), and rescued.   (Assume the whole audience is laughing
their heads off at this seemingly unintentional farce.) 

Add a few stereotypes of the worst of American, Oriental,
and African individuals.

And all for a butterfly.  Sure.  Riiiiiight!  Would you like to
buy a bridge?  I have a big one for sale, too.  Sure I do.

Let's assume we have this whole mess.  What DO we have?
"The Perils of Gwendoline". Oh.  You guessed it? (So why are
you soooo suprised already?  Here's the deed to your bridge.)

Somehow, we almost thought that the movie could have been intended
as a farce, but it doesn't seem that way.  Oh yeah, we also
noticed that it was originally filmed in a language other
than English and overdubbed.  We didn't find out where because
we left at the beginning of the credits for the first time
since either of us grew up.

(signed)
Not Gene Siskel and what's his face