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From: etan@tellab1.UUCP (Nate Stelton)
Newsgroups: net.music
Subject: American Music Awards
Message-ID: <456@tellab1.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 29-Jan-85 14:14:43 EST
Article-I.D.: tellab1.456
Posted: Tue Jan 29 14:14:43 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 31-Jan-85 02:13:15 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: Tellabs, Inc., Lisle, IL
Lines: 46

(if this is a reposting, my apologies)

Last night I saw some of the American Music Awards, and I tried to take them
seriously, I really did, but these are some of the thoughts that ran through
my head as it softened in front of the boob tube.  I must confess, though,
that I don't know who the judges were or what their criteria was for
nomination and award.  I also confess that I only saw about 25% of it.

Since I don't know what the awards really are for, I, whilst wallowing in my
ignorance, shall try to venture some guesses.  First off, it appears that
there are certain prerequisites for receiving nomination, which are:

  1. nominees must be nominated for at least four other categories to qualify
     for a specific category.

  2. nominees must have netted in excess of $5 billion in fiscal 1984

  3. nominees must be of the negroid race (however, caucasoid or mongoloid
     applicants may petition for nomination if they provide a financial
     disclosure)

Whatever happened to anti-racism?  People used to say, "All men are created
equal. Judge a man not by the color of his skin."  Nowadays, the racist
television media goes through great pains to outline the distinction between
black and white.  Even to the point where they create a bunch of music awards
and include the word 'black' in them, like 'favorite black video-over-5-minutes
bi-sexual male'.  And it's no fair!  I mean, I didn't see any awards
specifically labeled 'white' or 'yellow' or 'brown'.  Just black or nothing.

While I was watching, I was waiting for the awards for the true-blue American
music categories (or at least the ones I like) like folk, jazz, blues,
or classical.  Oh well, I guess I missed them.  Could someone tell me who won
in those categories.

Did you notice how all the people who won awards were filthy rich?  You could
tell by their clothes.  I'd have to sell my house and my first-born to be
able to buy the jacket that Lionel Ritchie was wearing.  Actually,
I think the winners were chosen on the basis of their total (not taxable)
income.  And to be honest, I get this funny feeling that there was no
"favorite folk-video female" award, or any folk music awards.  Let's face it,
nobody in folk music even netted $5 billion in 1984.  So what good are they?

I have a proposal.  They should rename these awards "The American Big-Money
Racist Music Awards".

                                    -etan