Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 (Tek) 9/26/83; site tekred.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!bellcore!decvax!tektronix!tekred!ronbe From: ronbe@tekred.UUCP (Ron Bemis ) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Living in sin? Message-ID: <198@tekred.UUCP> Date: Fri, 18-Jan-85 19:23:44 EST Article-I.D.: tekred.198 Posted: Fri Jan 18 19:23:44 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 24-Jan-85 05:47:13 EST Organization: Tektronix, Redmond OR Lines: 67 Hi there, I'm Ron Bemis... I've followed this group for a few weeks now, and I thought it was time to put my two bits in. I'm 23 years old - just thought I'd mention that because I often wonder about the ages of other people I've been reading from in this group. I just moved to Redmond last October to start work for Tek- tronix. I came from Salt Lake City and wondered what it would be like to live in a small town (pop. 6000) and leave my friends behind. So far, it's working out pretty well for me, but making new friends has always been hard for me. I'm still in communica- tion with some special people in SL, and Christmas time was great - I drove back and spent some time with my family and friends there. I want to comment on the immortal question of "what is love?". At first I wanted to write "Love is selfish, being in love is unselfish", but after a little more thinking, I've come to my own realization that it's not so much the definition as the feeling. Saying "I love you" has never been something I've done much. I feel it's something that should be said, but only when the feeling really moves you. Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to communicate your feelings to another person, but I've seen the phrase overused to the point of being meaningless. I feel that love is something that should be shown. Saying it is okay, too, just not constantly. What love is, is something per- sonal, something hard to define with words, yet something very real. Enough about that. I have a question that may raise some discussion. What are the trials and tribulations experienced by people living together (unmarried)? I did it once for about 4 months and it ended up in a bitter breakup and move-out. I've seen her since on a social level, and we don't have any problems getting along. Being constantly together must have done it. She's still a very good friend, but looking at the past, defin- itely not somebody I'd want to marry. I remember one Mother's Day our whole family went out for lunch together and marriage crept into the conversation. I made the point that I thought it would be safer to live together be- fore getting married to "check things out". Let me tell you, my mom let me have it with both barrels. "Your father and I sur- vived without it!" was the main idea. I couldn't argue much, they've been happily married for over 25 years now. (Really my mom's not as much an ogre as I may make her out to be, she took it very well later when she found out what's-her-name moved in with me.) But aren't things changing? More and more women are capable of being independent. They aren't afraid of initiating a divorce anymore. No, don't flame me on that, I'm not suggesting that the divorce rate is going up because of this fact. But in fact the divorce rate is high. (Isn't it? Remember, I'm from Utah.) Don't you think there are some bad marriages that wouldn't happen if the couple had lived together first? I've heard from divorced people who DID live together before marriage that that little piece of paper makes a big difference. I don't know, I've never been through it. It just seems to me that marriage is a BIG change for anybody, and anything to make that change smoother/slower/easier might help. What does everybody think?