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From: sommers@topaz.ARPA (Liz Sommers)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: time alone
Message-ID: <399@topaz.ARPA>
Date: Sat, 26-Jan-85 21:56:34 EST
Article-I.D.: topaz.399
Posted: Sat Jan 26 21:56:34 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 28-Jan-85 04:43:07 EST
References: <3479@mit-eddie.UUCP> <861@hound.UUCP>
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.
Lines: 30


> How does one handle the need for time alone when there is disagreement about
> how much time is needed?
> 
> For example:  If I need 0-3 hrs/week and my SO needs 10-15 hrs/week, is
> the solution to compromise, alternate, or pick one?


I think my lover and I have sort of solved this problem.  When we first 
started living together I needed about twice the time alone he did.  I
really NEEDED a good 8 hours a day where no conversation and personal 
demands were made of me.  Now I need less and he needs a lot of time
where I am not there.

We solved this problem by being with friends, colleagues and
co-workers when we want companionship and the other is feeling too
busy (or just wants to hack) or too anti-social to be able to stand
the other.  We are also now capable of leaving the other person ALONE
- even when we are in the same room.  We also got a house with a room
for each of us.

There is no justification for spending all of your time with another
person.  One of you will almost certainly get bored, feel trapped or
just get angry.  A serious relationship does not mean shutting out
your friends and shackling yourselves at the wrists, ankles and hips.

Let your lover be alone when she wants.  Go hack, play pool, read a
book.  Your (ugh) SO might even return the favor sometime.

liz