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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!ihnp4!ihlpg!jcgowl
From: jcgowl@ihlpg.UUCP (r. gowland)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Living in sin? (why marriages fail)
Message-ID: <119@ihlpg.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 1-Feb-85 12:06:20 EST
Article-I.D.: ihlpg.119
Posted: Fri Feb  1 12:06:20 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 2-Feb-85 13:09:20 EST
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Xref: watmath net.singles:5738 net.social:443

> excerpts from an item by....
> Laura Creighton
> utzoo!laura
> 

> 
> Face it -- I have needs now, and I will have needs in 5 years and
> I will have needs in 10 years. I have no guarantee that the person
> who fills my needs now will fill my needs in 5 or 10 years. I have
> no guarantee that the person who needs I fill now I will be able
> to continue filling in 5 or 10 years.
> 
Sorry to select only these lines, but it was a long item. My feeling
on this that of course there is no guarantee, but (in my opinion)
*LOVE* is a desire to grow together with another person. 
> I can work at it. But the minute I start *expecting* it, I am
> not loving, I am *clinging*. And clinging is bad news.
> I find it incredibly unreasonable of me to expect that any other
> person should sacrifice himself or his needs to meet my needs or 
> for the sake of a ``relationship'' or for the sake of a ``marriage''.
> How can I love an institution more than a person? 
> 
LOVE is (I agree) not clinging, but a desire to want to meet the
needs of another person, not just in the near future, but until
death parts you. What I am trying to say is that if you LOVE
someone, you *will* continue to make the effort to satisfy the
needs of that someone. It seems to me that a lot of people give
up on this effort too soon, and that is (in my opinion) not
LOVE. It is not "incredibly unreasonable" to expect the sacrifice
from someone who LOVES you, LOVE includes sacrifices. I gave up
bowling three evenings a week in order to save enough to buy a
nice house. I gave up smoking cigarettes in an attempt to
lengthen the (life)time I could spend with my wife. For LOVE
these were not really sacrifices.
> 
> This is all a viscious con. Relationships end. Marriages end. Some,
> of course, don't end. But, for the life of me, I can't see how it is
> possible to plan out your psychological, emotional, social and 
> whatever needs so that you can keep having them met by your partner,
> and I can't see anything so wonderful about the institution of
> marriage itself which makes it worth sacrificing your needs.
> 
It is not the institution which counts, it is the LOVE for your
partner which makes it all worthwhile. You can't plan your
development (anyone in Software knows that) but if you LOVE
someone