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From: ebh@hou4b.UUCP (Ed Horch)
Newsgroups: net.suicide
Subject: Re: suicidal tendencies (of long-distance friends)
Message-ID: <1289@hou4b.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 21-Jan-85 16:02:52 EST
Article-I.D.: hou4b.1289
Posted: Mon Jan 21 16:02:52 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 23-Jan-85 07:09:55 EST
Organization: AT&T-ISL, Holmdel, NJ
Lines: 44

> [Ken Turkowski]
> I just found out that a friend of mine committed suicide last July.
> It's sometimes several months before I try to re-establish contact.
> Are there any signs that I should watch out for?

I only quoted these three segments of your article, since I believe they
demonstrate the unique and difficult situation you were in here.

Suicide, being the impulsive act that it is, is hard enough to
anticipate, without the distance problem.  The signs of an impending
attempt are very subtle, and easy to miss, even when you're in constant
contact with the victim.  My advice is this:

Watch for changes in the way someone talks about himself.  We're not too
worried that a certain regular contributor to net.singles will do
something like this, even though we have read so many of his "God I'm
the scum of the earth" messages.  I would be worried if all of a sudden
we read "Well, I guess everything's all fixed up now," and we never heard
from him again.

When someone who's normally not vocal about depression or poor self-
image or the like becomes so, or they mention the idea of suicide,
especially if this is the kind of communication that only occurs a few
times a year, take notice.  When you're thinking about suicide, it's
very easy to talk about it in a letter, as compared with telling someone
face to face.  At that point you should call them up, if possible, and
say "Hey look, what you wrote was pretty heavy; want to tell me what's
going on?"

I'll warn you, though, it's almost never that easy.  Just like what
happened, you won't normally get hit over the head with something like
this, until it's too late.  You have to read between the lines of the
letters you get, and maybe be a little psychic.  My example above can
occur when someone who has been contemplating suicide finally decides to
go ahead with it, and is secure in the knowledge that it'll all be over
soon.  This is even more serious than the initial mention, because an
attempt is more imminent, and usually more serious.

I'll finish by reiterating what I said before:  if you think someone
with whom you're corresponding is thinking about suicide, CALL THEM. 
Don't think that you have enough time to mail another letter.  It may
never get read.

-Ed Horch   {ihnp4,akgua,houxm}!hou4b!ebh