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From: msimpson@bbncca.ARPA (Mike Simpson)
Newsgroups: mod.motss
Subject: I may be gay, BUT ...
Message-ID: <1326@bbncca.ARPA>
Date: Fri, 15-Feb-85 12:59:23 EST
Article-I.D.: bbncca.1326
Posted: Fri Feb 15 12:59:23 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 16-Feb-85 00:11:08 EST
Organization: Bolt, Beranek and Newman, Cambridge, Ma.
Lines: 56
Approved: for sdyer@bbncca.uucp by msimpson@bbncca.uucp

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Has anyone out there encountered this form of self-oppression?

I was writing a letter this letter to a friend and I think I realized
something.  I have these two versions of what being gay is.  There's MY
version and THEIR version.  THEIR version is the evil wicked stereotype
of gays: selfish, unnatural, perverted, sick, impotent, ineffective,
immature, shunned, unhappy.  My version (equally a stereotype of sorts)
has being gay as the enlightened, equally attractive alternative: witty,
sophisticated, objective, compassionate, helpful, understanding, enteraining.

Both versions have large gray areas; they even overlap.
What does it really mean to be gay?

If I'm gay, does that mean I have to enjoy giving head?
If I don't, does that mean I haven't completely owned up to my gay identity?

For a long time in college I was consoled by the fact that, Well, I may
be gay BUT I don't do this  or  I don't do that.  After being pushed into
a few experiences (:-) that had to be amended to, Well, I may be gay BUT
*I* don't enjoy doing this (or having that done to me).  You see, I felt
comfortable being gay as long as I was MY gay, not THEIR gay.  The problem
is, I don't know exactly what it is that I might do that would push me over
the edge from MY nice clean gay, to their ugly dirty gay.  In college, a few
things were moved from THEIR gay to MY gay.  Chiefly, I could not only lust
for guys, I could have sex with them.  Now this wasn't totally true.  It
wasn't always the most mutually self-respecting sex around.  Sort of like,
who wants too really get to know a sicko (that would apply to each of us).

I'd like to think that I'm past that stage.
I know one thing that's definitely a positive affirmation of one's gay
identity.  That's being involved in a fulfilling relationship that's good
for BOTH of you.  I see that as the final step.  I mean, if that's not gay,
what is?

This was one of the problems I had with Consenting Adult.  Jeff seemed to
have so little trouble coming to terms with himself.  I'm not putting down
the film; it served a useful purpose for its straight audience.  What I
didn't like was that Jeff met his lover within what seemed to be 9 months
of coming out to his mom.  Wow!  We should all be so lucky.

If anyone has any clues on how I could go about developing a greater
respect for gay people in general (without becoming adamantly obnoxious
to all my straight friend's well-meaning, unintentional oppressive acts)
. . . . then Drop Me A Line.

Another Soul On The Threshold from
Robert DeBenenedictis

	...!linus!rjd
-- 
   >> don't shoot me, I'm just trying to be helpful ... <<
   Mike Simpson, BBN
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