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Path: utzoo!watmath!wateng!padpowell
From: padpowell@wateng.UUCP (PAD Powell)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Re: The "DEC" internal memo
Message-ID: <2037@wateng.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 19-Feb-85 09:34:49 EST
Article-I.D.: wateng.2037
Posted: Tue Feb 19 09:34:49 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 21-Feb-85 07:49:38 EST
References: <617@decwrl.UUCP>
Reply-To: padpowell@wateng.UUCP (PAD Powell)
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 106
Summary: 

I read the following joke by John Williams, and just about died
laughing.  I thought it was the funniest parody of the DEC mentality
I had ever read.  Then, I suddenly realized the author was SERIOUS.
The article was even more hilarious...

In article <617@decwrl.UUCP> williams@kirk.DEC (John Williams 223-3402) writes:
>
>2) This was seen as a "beginner's" project. We obviously do not 
>have the same people who repackage products developing VAX's, 
>etc. It is a case of ONE subdivision making mistakes, which 
>evidently WERE detected, and subsequently corrected. We 
>understand the concept of time to market, and realize that not 
>all of our designs will be perfect. We compensate for this by 
>supporting our customers with services, so that any problems can 
>be corrected close to immediately. Unfortunately, Schools do not 
>provide the kind of education you need to do THIS. Digital has 
>been a trailblazer in computers, and has done so by allowing 
>mutations. It would be ridiculous to assume that all these 
>mutations would have the same degree of success as the PDP11. 
>There are a zillion flaws in any organization, if you wish to 
>identify them. The mistake we choose not to make is to 
>overmanage. This means we need to support our customers, and we 
>have historically responded expediently to complaints.
>

	Ahem.  Customer support from DEC?  Same people developing
VAXes, etc.?  When I read this,  I thought about the VAX teams
I have met.  Lessee:  PDP6, PDP8, Burroughs, Sperry, PDP11, IBM...
Then I thought about the packaging people I have met.  I think that
Mr. Williams has just poked fun at both.

>3) This memo was strickly confidential. You have broken several 
>laws. I do not know whether you will be prosecuted. If you really 
>want to know what happens when the shit hits the fan, stick 
>around. I will be sending this to our legal department. They will 
>want to know where you got it. You are in a lot of trouble, 
>whether this memo was fabricated, or NOT.

	Snicker.  I have also seen a copy of a BELL LABS INTERNAL MEMO,
not to be copied/etc. on a DEC engineer's desk.

>	We find ourselves with a new problem. That of dispelling 
>vicious rumors concerning the quality of our products. One of the 
>best ways of doing this is by telling you the quality of our 
>services. We answer to all complaints. Our primary interest is 
>the CUSTOMER. We spend on support what any organization would 
>consider overkill. Our field service makes no sense, financially. 
>What it does, however, is to give us a reputation reflecting our 
>commitment to the satisfaction of our CUSTOMERS. You will find an 
>underlying philosophy in all our products.
>

Ho, Ho, Ho!  One of the ways of dispelling the rumours is to fix the
problems.   Yes, DEC answers all complaints.  "We are looking at the
problem."   I might comment that one of the reasons for spending large
amounts on support could be POOR DESIGN, but that would be considered
a low blow.  Besides,  I know that it is not true.  Of course,
you have the most experienced designers doing your difficult designs...
Except where do you give the novices the experience?

>	Now, with your piece of outdated slander, concerning ONE 
>product that we had some initial problems with, you are 
>misleading everyone into thinking that we experience these 
>problems with all our products. We DON'T! The amount of talent we 
>have committed to the microVAX product sets will soon be 
>apparent, and YOU, among others, will be eating words. The 
>investment we have made in the Hudson facility will reap BIG 
>rewards. AND I would suggest that you get out of our way. We are 
>ready for the competition in a very BIG way. Our commitment for 
>excellence should not be underestimated, and it would serve you 
>better to work with us, rather than against us. The micrVAX will 
>be the product of commitment to excellence in an area in which we 
>have complete dominance. You should prepare yourself towards the 
>idea of working behind one of our workstations. The dream of 
>interactive design will come to fruition with these products.

	I detect the sound of a 500 voice chorus, softly chanting,
"User Friendly,  Interaction", in the background, with a building
orchestration of the DEC company song...  Ah, the joys of indoctrination.

>	It was Digital who introduced the concept of 
>"interactive", and we believe very strongly in it. Our goal is 
>not to make people more like machines, but to make machines more 
>like people. It is this that will ensure our continued success.

	Uh, I am afraid that Digital did no such thing.  I seem to recall
using an early RCA machine of some sort, with a great big CRT,
to play TIC TAC TOE on.  This was in 1959 or 1960, I seem to recall.
DEC was making Flip-Chip cards at the time.  Interesting comment though.
I wonder who was the first documented user of the phrase "interactive"
software?

>					John Williams
>				Digital Equipment Corperation
>					" Engineer "
>
>	Engineer is a title that I am proud of, for it is the 
>engineer that brings matter into life, to extend man's sense and 
>intelligence. Technology is life, and the natural course of 
>evolution is to bring the universe to life.

My,  a visionary...  I wonder how he feels about social abuse of
technology?

Patrick ("Interesting, Orville, but can you carry enough food to
			pedal from New York to Paris?") Powell