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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ukma!qusavx!jon
From: jon@qusavx.UUCP (Jon Lewis)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Livin' in sin
Message-ID: <230@qusavx.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 15-Feb-85 22:52:20 EST
Article-I.D.: qusavx.230
Posted: Fri Feb 15 22:52:20 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 19-Feb-85 06:52:20 EST
Organization: Quantime Corp., Cincinnati, Ohio
Lines: 30


	I was just browsing through several newsgroups that I rarely read,
when I chanced upon a discussion of folks living together prior to (and
sometimes instead of) marriage.  I for one am all for it.  My wife and I
lived together for about 2 years before formalizing our relationship, and
things worked out quite well.
	My only reservations concern letting relatives know about the 
arrangement.    Many of our friends were set up in similar situations
and yet none of them told their folks (who lived several time zones away).
In fact, some of them lied to their families in order to keep the harmony that
one likes to find in one's family.  We decided to be a little more upfront 
about it all and told everyone of our intentions, but while my family took it
quite calmly, her folks did not.  Once we got married, moved a little closer,
and got to know one another, things smoothed out a lot, but they were initially
very threatened by our arrangement (which included a shared checking account,
by the way, although I wouldn't recommend that to everyone until after the 
first year).
        I think the primary advantage to living together is not any guarantee
that such a set up will always lead to a stable marriage, but rather that it
can prevent one of the biggest tragedies that I can think of:  young people
with stars in their eyes tying the knot, having kids, and then realizing that
maybe they don't really belong together.  It's an empirical question that can
be tested, but my guess is that people who live together outside of marriage
are much less likely to have children than married couples.  Living together
is in many other ways no different than being married, but I think it decreases
the chances of producing the real victims of divorce.
	And, by the way, to the person who originally posted the "livin' in 
sin" article, my wife came from Salt Lake City and we met and cohabited in
Oregon, too (although it was in Eugene, a town infested with that sort of
sin!).