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From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: What to do when the folks ask
Message-ID: <247@ttidcc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 20-Feb-85 15:59:07 EST
Article-I.D.: ttidcc.247
Posted: Wed Feb 20 15:59:07 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 21-Feb-85 05:58:38 EST
Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA.
Lines: 31


Re how to get the folks to stop asking when you are going to get
married:

	Well, you can always do it poorly once, get divorced, and
	then use that as an excuse.  Most folks switch into the
	"don't make the same mistake twice" nag after the first
	marriage bites the dust.  :-)

Actually, my folks never worried about whether we got married or not,
but friends did, and often asked the question.  Now that I'm living
with my umm-er and he is adopting my daughter, the question comes up
a lot.  However, since we have decided not to get married, we simply
answer "never" to the "when" question, and then elaborate our reasons
to the always accompanying "why" question, if we have the time and
interest in the person who asked.

Also, I think "getting married" because you want to have kids and/or
because you are having a kid isn't sufficient reason.  Marriage seems to me
to be a contract between two adults, and the appearance of children doesn't
necessarily change the commitment (or lack thereof) between the two adults.
And the laws governing parental responsibility toward the kids should hold
the same for married parents as unmarried parents (though each case in each
court is always a little different).  Such things as taxes, company
benefits, wills, insurance policies, etc., differ as well, but you can make
any arrangements you want, rather than buy the "package deal" if you are so
inclined.

No flames intended for those sold on marriage -- however, I wanted to
express the alternative point of view for those who haven't really
considered the options.