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From: spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: The Ultimate Naming Convention Question
Message-ID: <12113@gatech.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 22-Feb-85 11:36:28 EST
Article-I.D.: gatech.12113
Posted: Fri Feb 22 11:36:28 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 23-Feb-85 17:40:14 EST
References: <191@dmcnh.UUCP>
Reply-To: spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford)
Distribution: net
Organization: The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech
Lines: 90
Xref: utcs net.singles:5713 net.social:426
Summary: 

In article <191@dmcnh.UUCP> gts@dmcnh.UUCP (Guy The Schafer) writes:
>OK.  Say a hypothetical 21 year old single male person was invited
>to the home of his hypothetical parental units for an anniversary
>party to be held about 1000 miles away.
>So he jumps on the plane not alone but with a happily-married
>35 year old female person with whom the hypothetical male has
>been having a affair for eighteen months.
>Enter hypothetical male with companion into room containing
>hypothetical parents (2) and hypothetical grandparents (4) and
>hypothetical brother (1).
>What does he introduce the female person as?
>And how does he get the same bed with her that night?  Hoo-boy.
>
>This is all hypothetical, of course.

Right.

Here are some suggestions for introductions and so on.  The author
(me) assumes no responsibility for the success or failure of any
of these approaches:

1) "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Wilbur.  He's an old college buddy
    of mine.  I thought you'd be fascinated to see him -- isn't that about
    the most amazing makup job you've every seen?  But don't worry --
    he's straight, so there's no problem putting us in the same room
    tonight."

2) "Hi!  Folks, this is Wilma.  She followed me home.  Can I keep her?
    I'll feed her and walk her, and she can sleep at the foot of my
    bed.  Pretty please?"

3) "This is Sheeba, my sex therapist.  You'll have to put us in the same
    room tonight, or all we've worked for will go for naught and I'll
    probably regain my sick lust for little boys covered in mayonaise."

4) "Grandad, this is Hesther.  She's helping me with my project in
    civil disobedience -- we're going to sleep together and violate
    not only state laws against adultery, but the federal Mann Act.
    As citizens, it's our duty to protest stupid laws -- don't
    you think?"

5) "Grandmother, I'd like you to meet Bitsy.  You know how cold
    it always gets in my room at night?  Well, I brought Bitsy
    along so I wouldn't catch pnuemonia and die and ruin the
    whole weekend for Mom and Dad."

6) "Dad, I must have inherited it from you.  I made one mistake with
    Yolanda here, and she won't let me be.  She claims she's never met
    a man like me, and unless she spends every night with me, she'll
    phone her husband, Guido, and tell him that I kidnapped her.  Dad,
    I don't think any of us want Guido to violate the conditions of
    his probabtion."

7)  "Folks, remember how I work in computers?  I'd like you to meet
    one of the projects I've been working on -- X-13/A.  This is a
    state-of-the-art project in robotics.  I'm sorry I had to bring
    work home with me, but we've gotten a rush order to test these
    out.  I'm afraid I'm going to be up all night tinkering with
    this prototype model, but I'll just work in my room with
    the door closed so as not to disturb you."

8)  "I'd like you meet my employer, Maybelline.  She and her husband
    want children, but Herbert is infertile, so they hired me to serve
    as the father.  I'm sorry I had to bring work with me during your
    anniversary, but you can imagine how critical proper timing is
    with something like this, and by our calculations, 1:03am is
    the peak time for me to punch in, so to speak."

9)  "Francine here is a nurse.  I had an injury recently that causes
    me to go into seizures and stop breathing during the night while I
    sleep.  She's been assigned to stay with me at night to save my
    life when it happens.  Don't fret about it much -- she's highly
    trained and has brought all the necessary equipment.  Thank
    God for Medicare and modern medicine!"

10) "Happy Anniversary folks!  This is Agent Smith, of the...er...
    well, a Federal agency.  I can't tell you what I've been doing
    at work recently, but she is supposed to be with me 24 hours a
    day.  If you see any strange cars in the neighborhood, let
    her know immediately."


Good luck.  And let me offer a bit of advice from experience 
(and a line you've probably heard already): be careful not
to leave any marks.
-- 
Gene "6 months and counting" Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
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