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From: robin@ucbsloth
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Asking For Dates
Message-ID: <5105@ucbvax.ARPA>
Date: Wed, 27-Feb-85 03:33:34 EST
Article-I.D.: ucbvax.5105
Posted: Wed Feb 27 03:33:34 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 27-Feb-85 12:16:08 EST
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Organization: University of California at Berkeley
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From: robin@ucbsloth (Robin Wickman)

[What's my line?]

Jeff Sonntag writes that when making a date he almost always says something
vague like, "Would you like to go out sometime?".  His reasoning is that a
negative response leaves him wondering whether he's getting an excuse or his
would-be date really is busy.

My friend Sherman used to think the same way; however, as he became more
skilled in the fine art of communicating with other people, he found that
there are negative responses and then there are negative responses.  When
asking a woman for a date at a specific time, he learned to carefully observe
the way she reacted to the request for a date.  If she appeared uneasy,
evasive, or looked away while talking to him he figured that she was giving
him an excuse.  On the other hand, if she seemed pleased to be asked and said
she hoped that they could make it some other time, he knew that he could ask
again, with much more confidence of success.

This may be hard to do.  One is usually so wrapped-up in one's own rejection
fears that he or she can't really concentrate on the other person's quite
obvious messages.  I suppose too that it is much like playing bridge:  If
your partner doesn't play the same bidding system signals can be horribly
confused.  Then again, there's that riddle which I'm sure everyone has heard,
"How is sex like Bridge?".

Please do try to acquire this skill in reading people.  Polite people refrain
from putting other people into the uncomfortable position of explicitly
rejecting them.

--Robin