Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site alice.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!allegra!alice!jj From: jj@alice.UUCP Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Asking For Dates Message-ID: <3426@alice.UUCP> Date: Wed, 27-Feb-85 12:01:12 EST Article-I.D.: alice.3426 Posted: Wed Feb 27 12:01:12 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 1-Mar-85 07:22:36 EST References: <5105@ucbvax.ARPA> Organization: New Jersey State Farm for the Terminally Bewildered Lines: 45 I think it's interesting to read the various responses to "Should I be specific?" Jeff Sonntag, on one hand, says that he doesn't want to be specific because he would like to know if he's being stalled or if he's picked a bad time/event/day... Other people point out that a man should be "sensitive" and watch the "reaction" of the other person, i.e. do they evade your eyes, do they jump up and down and say "Yes! Oh. I can't, awwwww!" or do they do what? Several thoughts come to mind: 1) What's the difference between the reaction of a shy person who would like to say yes, but can't because of timing, and who is afraid to say "no" because it looks like rejection, and the reaction of someone who wants to say no, never, not in my next lifetime, but doesn't because she/he doesn't want to hurt your feelings? I contend there will be NO discernable difference, unless one has implemented telepathy... 2) What's to prevent the person in either case (specific or asking for interests) from being vague? A LOT of female people are socialized to BE VAGUE in all cases. Regardless of the advisiblity of this, it's TRUE, and one MUST deal with it. 3) In like with Jeff's comments: What's wrong with asking someone if they might be interested? Why should the man (or woman, or whatever) have to rely on second-hand signals that can be utterly ambiguous and misleading? Perhaps I'm just not experienced, but why not tell the asker (assuming you're NOT interested in any sort of social situation) "Hmmm. Well, I don't think that have much in common. I don't think it would be a good idea."? (Note that it's NOT necessary to say "Hell, no! I don't date slimes like you!" ) -- TEDDY BEARS SURVIVE EVEN IN TODAY'S BULL MARKET. HUG YOURS, IT NEEDS YOU! "...other side, the other man's grass is always greener, some are ..." (allegra,harpo,ulysses)!alice!jj